>> GOOD AFTERNOON. WELCOME TO OUR SPECIAL EVENT TODAY, A WOMAN'S VOICE, UNDERSTANDING AUTISTIC NEEDS MUCH I'M SUSAN DANIEL, DIRECTOR OF AUTISM RESEARCH COORDINATION AT NIMH, WE HAVE A FEDERAL ADVISORY COMMITTEE THAT PROVIDES ADVISE ON AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS FOR THE GOVERNMENT AND WE HOST SPECIAL EVENTS LIKE THIS 1 ON BEHALF OF THE COMMITTEE AND THE NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH. I'M HAPPY TO WELCOME TODAY, OUR GUEST SPEAKERS OUR IN-PERSON AUDIENCE AND THOSE WHO MIGHT BE WATCHING ONLINE. TO THIS SPECIAL EVENT. WE HAVE A QUIET ROOM AND THERE IS CLOSED CAPTIONING ON THE VIDEO AND CART. AND TODAY WE WILL HEAR FROM 4 SPEAKER WHO IS ARE EDITORS AND AUTHORS ABOUT 2 BOOKS ON WOMEN ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM, 1 CALLED SPECTRUM WOMEN AND ANOTHER CALLED AUTISM IN HEELS WHICH BOTH DESCRIBE THE EXPERIENCE OF BEING A WOMAN ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM. AND WE ARE JUST VERY EXCITED TO HAVE THESE 4 WOMEN HERE TODAY. I'LL GIVE A BRIEF INTRODUCTION TO EACH 1 SO MISS BARB COOK FROM AUSTRALIA, IS THE EDIT ONOR AND EDITOR IN CHIEF OF SPECTRUM WOMEN MAG WREEN AND AUTHOR AND SPEAKER CONSULTANT TO WALKING THROUGH AUTISM, AND ALSO A MANAGER AT THRIVING NOW, COMMUNITY MEMBER AT AUTISTIC ADULTS AND OTHER STAKEHOLDERS ENGAGED TOGETHER AND AN INDEPENDENT PEER REVIEWER ON AUTISM AND ADULTHOOD, SHE'S ATTENDING THE UNIVERSITY IN AUSTERALLIA IN THE AREAS OF EDUCATION AND EMPLOYMENT. WE HAVE WITH US TODAY, DR. LEON HOLIDAY WILLEY, 1 OF THE MANY CONTRIBUTORS WHO CONTRIBUTED TO THE BOOK AUTISM SPECTRUM WOMEN AND A CONSULTANT AND BEHAVIORIAL REPORTING SOURCES FOR NEUROPSYCHOLOGICAL INSTITUTE OR BRAINS. WRITTEN MULTIPLE BOOKS, FIRST OF WHICH PRETENDING TO BE NORMAL LIVING WITH ASPERGER'S SYNDROME AND DR. COOK RUNS A FACILITY THAT SHE OWNS AND RUNS IN SPATTERRA MICHIGAN, SHE HAS A DOCTOR OF EDUCATION WITH A SPECIALTY OF PSYCHOLINGUISTICS AND DOES LEARNING STYLE DIFFERENCES FROM MISSISSIPPI STATE UNIVERSITY. WE HAVE MISS DENA GASSNER, WHO IS ANOTHER CONTRIBUTOR OF THE BOOK SPECTRUM FOR WOMEN, AFTER PROVIDING SERVICES FOR HER SON AND TRANSITIONING SERVICES TO THE ADULT SPECTRUM, DENA IS IN THE DISSERTATION PHASE OF HER Ph.D. AT ADEL PHI UNIVERSITY. SHE'S ALSO A ADJUNCT PROFESSOR AND WORKING AS AN ADJUNCT TEACHING FOR THE POST BACCALAUREATE CERTIFICATE PROGRAM IN AUTISM STUDIES AT TOWSON UNIVERSITY, ALSO PARTICIPATE INDEED FEDERAL WORKING GROUPS OR IACC, AND THEN FINALLY MISS JENNIFER O'TOOLE, WHO HELPED AUTHOR THE BOOKS, AND IS THE SENIOR DIRECTORIAL CONSULTANT AT JEFFERSON UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER NEWLY ESTABLISHED CENTER FOR AUTISM AND NEURODIVERSITY, AND MISS O'TOOLE GRADUATED AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY AND WENT ON TO A GRADUATE EDUCATION AT QUEENS UNIVERSITY. THESE ARE OUR 4 SPEAKERS AND I LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO INTRODUCE MR. JOHN ELDER ROBISISM, WHO WANTED TO BE HERE TO GIVE A SPECIAL WELCOME TO OUR SPEAK ARES AND THIS WILL BE FOLLOWED BY A WELCOME FROM THE DIRECTOR OF THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF MENTAL HEALTH, DR. GORDON WHO WILL GIVE US A WELCOME ON VIDEO BECAUSE HE COULDN'T BE HERE UNFORTUNATELY IN PERSON DUE TO A SCHEDULE CONFLICT BUT HE WANTED TO GIVE A PERSONAL WELCOME WHO EVERYONE WATCHING THIS SPECIAL EVENT, SO JOHN? >> HELLO, AND THANK YOU ALL FOR JOINING US BOTH HERE AND ONLINE. AS AN AUTISTIC PERSON AND AS A PERSON WHO'S HAD THE HONOR OF REPRESENTING THE AUTISM COMMUNITY ON A VARIETY OF GOVERNMENT COMMITTEES THESE MANY YEARS, I'D LIKE TO JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO REMIND ALL OF YOU OF THE VITAL ROLES THAT WOMEN HAVE PLAYED IN AUTISM ADVOCACY AND THE SEA OF CHANGE WE'RE SEEING IN THAT ROLE TODAY. WHEN I WAS A BOY GROWING UP, IT WAS WOMEN IN LANGUAGE LAB AND WOMEN IN THERAPY GROUPS THAT HELPED ME TO FIND MY WAY. JUST AS THE OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE DELIVERED AUTISM SERVICES TO WHAT IS NOW MILLIONS OF KIDS IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS IN AMERICA, THE VAST MAJORITY OF THOSE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DEDICATED WOMEN. IT IS WOMEN WHO BROUGHT US THE COMMITTEES AND IN GOVERNMENT THAT SERVICE YOU TODAY. I AM ALWAYS REMINDED IN MY AUTISM ADVOCACY THAT THE VERY EXISTENCE OF COMMITTEES LIKE THE INTERAGENCY AUTISM COORDINATING COMMITTEE IS THE RESULT OF PASSIONATE WOMEN ADVOCATING FOR THEIR CHILDREN WITH AUTISM. YOU KNOW WHAT'S INTERESTING IS SO MANY OF THESE WOMEN ADVOCATING FOR CHILDREN, THE CHILDREN WERE DIAGNOSED AND JUST AS I EXPERIENCED IN MY OWN FAMILY MY SON'S MOTHER SAID WELL, YOU CAN'T BE AUTISTIC, THAT'S NUTS IF ANYONE'S AUTISTIC IT'S ME AND I'M NOT AUTISTIC AND OF COURSE 10 YEARS LATER SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM ALONGSIDE ME. WHAT WE NOW SEE IS THAT STARTING WITH A GENERATION OF WOMEN WHO ADVOCATED FOR THEIR CHILDREN SO MANY OF THOSE WOMEN SAW THE SAME AUTISM IN THEMSELVES. AND WE ARE NOW EXPERIENCING THIS FUNDAMENTAL TIME OF TRANSITION WHERE INSTEAD OF WOMEN STANDING UP HERE ADVOCATING FOR THEIR CHILDREN, THEY ARE NOW ALSO STANDING UP HERE AND ADVOCATING FOR THEMSELVES. AND WHEN THEY ADVOCATE FOR THEMSELVES, MANY OF THEM DO SO WITH THE KNOWLEDGE BOTH OF BEING A CHILD AND BEING A PARENT AND NOW BEING AN AUTISTIC PERSON. THAT IS A REALLY, REALLY POWERFUL THING AND I THINK AS MORE AUTISTIC WOMEN MOVE INTO ADVOCACY ON BEHALF OF THEMSELVES IN THE COMMUNITY, YOU ARE GOING TO SEE GREAT THINGS IN AUTISM AND I WANT TO WELCOME YOU AND THANK YOU FOR JOINING US AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT A GREAT THING THAT IS HERE AT NIH TODAY AND I'M PROUD TO BE PART OF IT. [APPLAUSE ] >> WELCOME TO THE NIMH AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH SPECIAL EVENT, A WOMAN'S VOICE, UNDERSTANDING AUTISTIC NEEDS EMPLOY I'M JOSHUA GORDON THE DIRECTOR OF THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF MENTAL HEALTH, THE PREMIER FEDERAL AGENCY THAT SPONSORS RESEARCH INTO MENTAL ILLNESSES. NIMH HAS A ROBUST PORTFOLIO OF AUTISM RELATED RESEARCH, INCLUDING RESEARCH ON THE BIOLOGY OF AUTISM, DIAGNOSIS, TREATMENT AND OTHER SERVICES THAT ADDRESS THE NEEDS OF INDIVIDUALS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM FROM BIRTH THROUGH ADULTHOOD. WE'RE PROUD TO ACKNOWLEDGE APRIL AS AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH, A MONTH DEDICATED TO PROMOTING AWARENESS, ACCEPTANCE AND UNDERSTANDING OF AUTISM THROUGH PRESIDENTIAL AND CONGRESSIONAL DECLARATIONS, SPECIAL FEDERAL, STATE AND LOCAL EVENTS AND THIS PARTICULAR EVENT HELD HERE AT THE NIH TO RECOGNIZE THE NEEDS OF INDIVIDUALS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM WHO ARE FEMALE. DURING AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH MORE GENERALLY WE RECOGNIZE THE CONTRIBUTIONS OF INDIVIDUALS WITH AUTISM, A FAMILY MEMBERS, CAREGIVERS, ADVOCATES, THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY, RESEARCHERS AND EDUCATORS WHO ALL COMBINE TO TRY TO IMPROVE THE LIVES OF INDIVIDUALS ON THE SPECTRUM AND THEIR FAMILIES. WORLD AUTISM DAY WAS INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED ON APRIL 2nd, IT IS A DAY WHERE THE MEMBER STATES THAT THE UNITED STATES TAKES THE UNITED NATIONS TAKE MEASURES TO RAISE AWARENESS ON AUTISM THROUGHOUT THE WORLD. TODAY'S EVENT IS ABOUT WOMEN AND GIRLS WITH AUTISM. IT'S IMPORTANT WE BEGIN TO DISCUSS THIS PARTICULAR ISSUE BECAUSE ALTHOUGH THE RATIO OF BOYS TO GIRLS IS ABOUT 4 TO 1, THAT IS FOR EVERY 1 GIRL WITH AUTISM, THERE ARE ABOUT 4 BOYS DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM. RECENT STUDIES SUGGEST THAT WE REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND AS MUCH ABOUT AUTISM IN WOMEN AND GIRLS AS WE DO ABOUT THAT IN BOYS. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR ATTENDANCE AND I'M REALLY EXCITED TO BE ABLE TO INTRODUCE THIS EVENT AND SORRY TO MISS IT IN PERSON. THANK YOU. OUR FIRST SPEAKER, MISS BARB COOK WHO WILL SHARE WITH US A BIT ABOUT SPECTRUM WOMEN. >> AUTISTIC PRIDE, THIS IS WHERE IT ALL STARTED, 1 FATEFUL EVENING JUNE 2017. A BOOK OF SPECTRUM WOMEN HAD HUMBLE CONVERSATION FROM WRITERS OBTAIN FROM THE SPECTRUM WOMEN ONLINE MANAGE SCREEN. AUTISTIC PRIDE DAY WAS FAST APPROACHING AND IT WAS SUGGESTED BY ANN PERKINS FORMERLY JANET, THAT WE SHOULD WRITE A COLLABORATION OF STORYS ON WHAT AUTISTIC PRIDE MEANT. IT WAS HALFWAY THROUGH THIS CONVERSATION THAT FOR SOME REASON I HAD AN IDEA THAT WE SHOULD ALL WRITE A CIBOL TOGETHER, HELL, WE DO HAVE A LOT TO OFFER, WE ARE ALL ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM, PLUS WE HAVE EXPERIENCE, YEARS AND DECADES OF EXPERIENCE SITTING WITHIN US AND IT NEEDED TO BE SHARED. A SAID TO 1 OF OUR WRITERS THAT IT GAVE ME A LIGHT BULB MOMENT THAT WE SHOULD ALL WRITE THE BOOK TOGETHER AND MAYBE CALL IT SPECTRUM WOMEN. IT TOOK A LOT OF THINKING GETTING THAT TITLE, WHERE WE CAN ALL GIVE OUR PERSONAL INSIGHTS, LIKE 1 OF THOSE SELF-HELP EMPOWERMENT BOOKS BUYER FOR FELLOW AUTISTIC WOMEN. AT THIS POINT MIDWAY THROUGH OUR DISCUSSION, I DIDN'T REALIZE I SET THE WHEELS IN MOTION ON A TRAIN DOWN A HILL WITHOUT ANY BRAKES. THE IDEA OF THE BOOK TO A WHOLE ENORMOUS LIFE OF ITS OWN. WITHIN HOURS WE HAD A PROPOSAL TO JESSICA KINGSLY PUBLISHERS AND HOW MUCH THE WOMEN AND IDENTIFYING WOMEN ON THE SPECTRUM NEEDED A CANDID HONEST AND OPEN HEARTED BOOK WRITTEN BY THOSE WHO GET THEM. LIVE A LIFE LIKE THEM AND WANT TO SHARE WITH THEM THAT WE DON'T NEED TO NAVIGATE THIS LIFE ALONE. THE NUMBER OF IDEAS FOR THE BOOK WAS IMMENSE AND THE TOPICS BECAME TAYLORED INTO CHAPTERS TO COVER WHAT WE FELT WERE ESSENTIAL TO START THIS MISSION. NOW MIND YOU KEEPING ON THIS WORD OF MISSION, AND I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS IS REMINISCENT OF A BOND MOVIE M WHO IS 1 OF THE WRITERS OF THE BOOK BECAME MY LEFT HANDED BECAUSE I'M LEFT HANDED, I'M NOT A RIGHT HANDED PERSON SIDE KICK AND WOMAN BEHIND MY SANITY, MY SOUNDING BOARD AND MY SECOND PAIR OF EYES. MY FRIEND WITH THE DARK SENSE OF HUMOR, THAT YOU 92 ED A TORCH, THE PERSON WHO HELPED MOOY MAKE IT TO THE END, WITHOUT M I DON'T THINK I COULD HAVE PULL ALTOGETHER AS BRILLIANTLY AS WE DID. AND THIS IS NOT A PAID ADVERTISEMENTMENT THERE'S A LO OF CONSIDERATIONS TO COUNT WHEN PULLING A BOOK LIKE THIS TOGETHER. AND THERE MAY BE PARTS THAT SOME OF YOU MAY NOT AGREEN CELLS WITH AND THAT IS FINE. WE ALL HAVE OUR INSIGHTS, PERSONAL VIEWS WHICH MAKE US DIFFERENT, WE EMBRACE THAT, KEEPING THIS IN MIND, WE TRIED TO ENCOMPASS A WIDE DIVERSITY OF THOUGHT AND WRITING STYLES WE USED WHILE EMBRACING OUR OWN PERSONAL CHOICES. THE ACADEM BEING SIDE OF THIS BOOK WAS SOMETHING WE WANTED TO EMBRACE ALONGSIDE WITH OUR PERSONAL ACCOUNTS. EVEN THOUGH WOMEN OF THE BOOK ARE THE EXPERTS, WE NEEDED TO INSURE THAT HEALTH PROFESSIONALS, RESEARCHERS AND THE ACADEMIC COMMUNITY LISTENED AND EMBRACED WHAT WE HAD TO OFFER FROM OUR OWN EXPERIENCES AND INSIGHTS. DR. MICHELLE GARNER COMPLEMENTS OF EACH CHAPTER OF OUR BOOK, GIVING HER OWN VIEWS FROM A CLINICAL EXPERIENCE, AND RESEARCH AROUND WOMEN AND GIRLS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM. DR. GARNET'S UNIQUE GIFT OF OVER 20 YEAR'S EXPERIENCE WORKING IN THE FIELD ALONGSIDE WITH PROFESSOR TONYAT WOOD SHINES THROUGH WITH EACH CHAPTER AS SHE PROVIDES COMMENTARY ON. DR. GARNET BRINGS FORTH TO THE READERS VALUE WORTH EACH AUTISTIC INDIVIDUAL AND IDENTIFYING INDIVIDUALS HAVE TO OFFER WHILE PROVIDING DEMONSTRATED STRATEGIES AND CREATING A MORE FULFILLING LIFE. INFORMATION AND PERSONAL JOURNEYS WITHIN THIS BOOK ARE FROM OUR OWN UNIQUE PERCEPTION AND EXPERIENCE OF THE WORLD AROUND US. EACH OF US LIVING DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES, MAKING NO 2 STORIES ALIKE, BUT WE SHARE A COMMON THEME, TO GIVE THE READER A GLIMPSE INTO OUR LIVES AND I'M SURE YOU WILL ALL FEEL A CONNECTION WHETHER IT'S WITH ALL OF US OR JUST 1 OR 2. EVEN THE SMALLEST AMOUNT OF INFORMATION WISDOM OR INSIGHT& CAN SET YOU ON A DIFFERENT PATH OF PERSONAL HAPPINESS AND CERTAINLY MAKE THIS PROJECT ALL THAT WORTH WHILE. FOR ME WHEN I WAS DIAGNOSED 6 WEEKS BEFORE MY FOURTHTH BIRTHDAY, I WAS AT A POINT IN MY LIFE WHERE I WAS TOTALLY BROKEN. HIGIVEN UP ON LIFE, AND I RESIDED MYSELF TO NEVER FITTING IN AND THE WORLD DIDN'T WANT ME. IT WASN'T UNTIL I WENT TO A HEALTH AND WELLNESS EEIVET AT MY LOCAL TOWN THAT I SAW A LOCAL GP THERE WHO WAS SPEAKING ON ABOUT HOW TO LOOK AFTER YOURSELF AND SELF-CARE. HER WORDS SAW THROUGH MY PAIN AND INTO MY SOUL. AFTER SHE SPOKE, I COULDN'T WAIT TO TALK TO HER, TELL HER I WAS CRAZY, BUT A HUGE CONNECTION TO HER WORDS. SHE TOLD ME I WASN'T CRAZY TO COME AND SEE HER AND FROM THAT MOMENT MY LIFE BEGAN TO TURN AROUND IN WAYS I COULD HAVE NEVER DREAMED OF. IT TAKES A MOMENT LIKE THIS TO COMPLETELY CHANGE YOUR WORLD, SET YOU ON A PATH TO FIND YOURSELF AGAIN. I KNOW SO MANY LADIES WHO ARE GETTING DIAGNOSED LATER IN LIFE, AND IT THE IMPACT IT AND NOT JUST ON UNDERSTANDING OURSELVES, IT LITERALLY IS LIFE CHANGING. IT DOES TAKE SOMETIME TO REDISCOVER WHO YOU ARE. AFTER WHAT SEEMS LIKE A LIFETIME OF NEVER UNDERSTANDING THE WORLD, LET ALONE YOURSELF, YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE TIME TO GO BACK AND REFLECT ON YOUR LIFE TO MOVE FORWARD. SO THERE I WAS, MIDDLE AGED WOMAN WHO WAS BASICALLY STARTING LIFE OVER AGAIN. I HAD TO UNTRAIN ALL THE MISCONCEPTIONS OF HOW I SHOULD BEHAVE, WHAT WAS EXPECTED, AND TO LET GO OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THOUGHT. THAT WAS A HARD 1. BUT MY PAST MADE A LOT MORE SENSE. WHEN YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOURSELF, IT IS HARD TO ACCEPT NOT JUST WAIS HAPPENING BUT WHY IT'S HAPPENING. IT IS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO RATIONALIZE FOR YOURSELF WHEN YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU FEEL SUCH AN OUTSIDER AND AN ALIEN, BUT IT DOES CHANGE. SO WHERE DOES THE STORY BEGIN? WITH YOU. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO START AT THE BEGINNING AND IT DOESN'T HAVE TO FEEL THAT IT'S ALL OVER BEFORE YOU GOT A CHANCE TO BEGIN. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO FIND HAPPINESS. THAT IS OUR ULTIMATE GOAL. TO FIND PEACE WITHIN, TO FIND WHERE WOE BELONG AND TO BE VALUED FOR WHO WE ARE. NOW, I WAS HEADING ON TO 50 AT THE TIME, I NOW MADE 50 A WEEK AGO, I'VE FINALLY TRANSITIONED INTO ANOTHER PHASE OF MY LIFE, 10 YEARS LATER I CAN ACTUALLY SAY I MERGED ON THE OTHER SIDE, A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. BUT WHERE DO WE GO NOW ABOUT THIS? HOW CAN WE BRING HAPPINESS INTO OUR LIVES IF WE'RE FEELING SO ENTRENCHED IN A SYSTEM THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR US, WE HAVE TO REACH OUT AND ASK FOR A TRY, TO TRYING TO FIT INTO EVERYONE ELSE'S EXPECTATIONS, TAKE A STEP BACK, REEVALUATE AND REBUILD YOUR LIFE YOUR WAY. IT'S OKAY TO REFLECT ON WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN, BUT DON'T STAY THERE, AS IF MANY WOMEN WHO IDENTIFIED LATER IN LIFE, COMES EXPERIENCE AND IT'S FROM THIS EXPERIENCE THAT WE CERTAINLY KNOW WHAT DOESN'T WORK FOR US. IT'S TIME TO FIND OUT WHAT DOES. WITHIN THE PAGES OF OUR BOOK, IS A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE WAITING TO BE SHARED BY YOU, BY WOMEN JUST LIKE YOU. THE SPECTRUM WOMEN KNOW YOUR PAIN, YOUR CHALLENGES, YOUR HEART ACHE, THEY'VE BEEN THERE, SURVIVE EMBRACED AND EVOLVED. IMPARTING THEIR WISDOM THE SPECTRUM WOMEN OPEN UP A DOOR WAY FOR YOU TO ACCEPT THROUGH, OUTTO A NEW WAY OF THINKING AND LIFE ONING YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU TRULY ARE. A STEP ON A JOURNEY FOR YOU TO EXPLORE BUT DON'T THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT THIS BOOK IS DESIGNED JUDGE UTV FOR US WHO HAVE BEEN ON THIS PATH FOR YEARS OR DECADES. THIS BOOK IS FOR ALL AGES AND ALL POINTS OF THE JOURNEY YOU ARE ON. WHETHER YOU ARE JUST AT THE BEGINNING OR HAVE BEEN TRAVELING THIS PATH FOR SOMETIME, THE SPECTRUM WOMEN WELCOME YOU INTO OUR LIVES. AS WE SAY, THE FRONT DOOR IS OPEN, THE KETTLE IS ON, COME ON IN, YIEW ARE WELCOME, YOU ARE HOME. >> THANK YOU SO MUCH, BARB, FOR THE INTRODUCTION TO YOUR BOOK, AND NEXT I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE JENNIFER O'TOOLE, COME UP AND TALK ABOUT HER BOOK. I WALK AROUND ADD. I HAVE THAT. SO I HOPE IT'S ALL RIGHT THAT YOU WILL ALLOW ME TO KIND OF ADDRESS YOU IN A BIT OF A DIFFERENT WAY. I FEEL VERY BLESSED TO BE FOLLOWING BARB. SO I CALL HER BABS BECAUSE WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A VERY LONG WHILE. AND I LOVE HOW TODAY, WE ARE BRINGING TO YOU THE SAME STORY BUT IN INCREDIBLY DIFFERENT WAYS. SPECTRUM WOMEN IS OBVIOUSLY A COLLECTION AND IT'S MEANT TO BE JUST THAT. MY STORY FOR AUTISM IN HEELS, WELL IT DOESN'T NECESSARILY BEGIN IN A GP'S OFFICE OR IN A WONDERFUL CONVERSATION WITH COLLEAGUES, LARGELY IT BEGINS IN BATHROOMS AND HERE'S WHY. MEN, YOU'LL NOTICE THAT A LOT OF THE TIME WOMEN GO TO BATHROOMS IN GROUPS AND Y'ALL WANT TO KNOW WHY. IT'S--THE TRUTH IS THAT LADIES ROOMS ARE SORT OF EQUAL PLAYING FIELDS. IT'S A LEVELING OFF PLACE WHERE, YOU KNOW AT APPROXIMATE POINT YOU MIGHT HAVE TO BORROW A LIPSTICK OR TOILET PAPER OR TAMPON, WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE, WE ARE REAL THERE, THERE'S NO PRETENSE AND EVERYONE HAS TO SORT OF BE HERSELF. IN 2011 AFTER MY 3 CHILDREN WERE, EYE LIKE TO SAY IDENTIFIED INSTEAD OF BEING DIAGNOSED, IT SOUNDS SO VERY WELL, ILLNESS RELATED BUT YOU CAN IESHES DENTIFY YOUR FAVORITE SONG, YOUR YOU CAN IDENTIFY THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, SO FIRST MY DAUGHTER AND THEN MY 2 SONS. AND ME AND THEIR DAD AS WELL. THE THING IS, THAT IT DIDN'T GO QUITE SO SIMPLY STEP, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, WHAT DID SIMPLY, ODDLY WAS THAT SEVERAL MONTHS AFTER THEY WERE DIAGNOSED, I HAD A BUNCH OF THEIR CLINICIANS SAYING TO ME, YOU REALLY NEED TO WRITE A BOOK, NO, START A SCHOOL FOR THESE KIDS AND I'M GOING, I HAVE A 7, A 4 AND A 1 YEAR-OLD, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THAT BUT THANKS, ANYWAY, AND THEN THEY SAID WELL HOW ABOUT YOU MAYBE WRITE A BOOK INSTEAD BECAUSE, I THINK THEY SAID, 3 IN 1 WEEK WHICH THEY SAY IS SUPPOSED TO BE ēNGELS TALK UG TO YOU THAT BASICALLY, THE DIRECT QUOTE, YOU COULD CHANGE THE WAY THIS WORLD UNDERSTANDS AND TREATS PEOPLE WITH AUTISM, ESPECIALLY THE KIDS. OKAY, WHAT PERSON'S GOING TO SAY NO TO THAT, RIGHT? SO I DID AND I SAT DOWN 1 SUMMER, 3 WEEKS, AND HAD ABSOLUTELY NO EXPECTATIONS OF ANYTHING HAPPENING AND I WROTE SOMETHING THAT I CALLED ASPER KIDS AND I SENT IT IN TO THE PUBLISHER, ORIGINALLY IT WAS JKP AS WELL, THIS WAS MONDAY, WEDNESDAY I HAD AN E-MAIL FROM JESSICA, NOT KNOWING WHO THIS JESSICA MIGHT BE, AND ASKING FOR THE REST OF THE MANUSCRIPT, DID I HAVE IT, I SAID YES I DO, I REALIZED THIS--NO THIS IS THE CEO NOT AN INTERN. SENT THE REST OF THE MANUSCRIPT AND BY FRIDAY I HAD A CONTRACT. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN. I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW FOR SOCIAL CHALLENGE NUMBER 1. I CAN--I FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO WALK THAT FINE LINE BETWEEN SHARING THE EXTRAORDINARY EVENTS THAT HAVE HAPPENED IN MY LIFE OVER THE LAST ONLY 7 YEARS AND SOUNDING WELL ARROGANT OR FULL OF MYSELF, BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT I FEEL, WHAT I FEEL IS COMPLETELY ASTOUNDED AND COMPLETELY CERTAIN THAT THE THINGS THAT ARE HAPPENING IN MY LIFE WITH MY WORK ARE ONLY BECAUSE I'M SAYING THINGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE RECOGNIZING IN THEIR OWN LIVES, THEIR OWN HEARTS. SO, IN SUCCESSION, THERE WERE 6 MORE BOOKS, WELL, A TOTAL OF 6. IT DID WILDLY, TOOK ME TO AMAZING PLACES, MEETING AMAZING PEOPLE WITH EVERYTHING BEING--EVERYTHING THAT I DID BEING SET FIRMLYOT FOUNDATION OF AWESOMENESS, THAT WAS MY WORD, EVERY WHICH WAY, I GUESS I SAY IT A LOT ANYWAY, APPARENTLY BUT IF LEARNING'S NOT FUN, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG, AND LET'S BE DIFFERENT TOGETHER. THINGS I TRULY BELIEVE IN. MY OPTIMISM IS REAL. AND YES, SUSAN SAID I SHOULD DO THIS SO I'LL SHOW YOU THE KIND OF PRESENTER AND PERSON I AM, WHEN IN ENGLAND BEFORE 800 PEOPLE ON A LARGE, LARGE STAGE WITH 2 JUM BO TRONS BEHIND ME AND 1 OF THE MEMBERS OF THE ROYAL FAMILY IN FRONT, THE GAL THAT WAS GOING TO INTRODUCE ME ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE HAD THE LITTLE BIOON MY LAPTOP WAS OVER THERE AND I'M WAY OVER HERE AND I'M HOPING I WILL NOT HAVE A FASHION EMERGENCY HERE, BUT, SO SHE'S ABOUT TO INTRODUCE ME, SHE NEEDS TO DO A LITTLE HOUSEKEEPING FIRST AND THEN SHE SAYS, OOPS I'M SO SORRY, JENNIFER, JENNIFER, IT'S GONE TO SLEEP CAN YOU HELP ME THIS, IS WHAT I DID ACROSS THE STAGE. [LAUGHTER] MAYBE THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU THINK OF SOMEONE WITH AUTISM. THAT'S KIND OF THE POINT YOU SEE I THINK INCLUSION, INCLUSION IS WELL, NOT A GOAL, INCLUSION I THINK MORE OFTEN THAN NOT IS A WONDERFUL EXCUSE TO CONGRATULATE OURSELVES, PAT OURSELVES ON THE BACK AND SAY IN A NICE CONDESCENDING VOICE AND SAY ISN'T THAT GREAT? WE ALLOWED EVERYBODY TO BE ON THE PLAYGROUND. WELL DO YOU WANT TO BE THE KID THAT'S INCLUDED WHEN DID YOU INCLUDE HIM WHEN YOU INVITED EVERYBODY IN YOUR CLASS TO THIS PARTY. OR DO YOU WANT TO BE WANTED? AND THAT'S WHAT I REALIZE, AND --I REALIZED THIS DURING THE WORK I WAS DOING AND WHICH WAS REAL AND KEEPING ME GOING THROUGH THE HARDEST TIMES IN MY LIFE THAT THERE NEEDED TO BE MORE TO IT. BECAUSE I THOUGHT ABOUT HOW MUCH HARDER I HAD HAD TO WORK FOR MY DAUGHTERS IDENTIFICATION BUT WHEN IT CAME TO HER BROTHERS, IT WAS SO SIMPLE AND I WAS LOOKING BACK THROUGH MY OWN LIFE AND REALIZING, WHAT I HAD HAD TO DO WAS WELL, HONESTLY FIGHT LIKE HELL TO BE RECOGNIZED, TO BE UNDERSTOOD BECAUSE IN MY LIFE, I HAVE SUBSEQUENT TO THE CHALLENGES THAT COME ALONG WITH AUTISM, I HAVE BEEN RAPED AND BEATEN AND OFTRASAIZED, I HAVE BEEN EXCLUDED I HAVE STARVED MYSELF INTO THE HOSPITAL, I HAVE BEEN LONELY, I HAVE BEEN SUICIDAL, I HAVE ALSO BEEN JOYOUS, AND GIGLY AND TRIUMPHANT IN MOMENTS OF GLITTER AND KITCHEN DANCE PARTIES WITH MY KIDS. ALL OF THOSE ARE PARTS OF AUTISM AND I REALIZE THAT IN ALL MY ASPER KID'S WORK, IN ALL THAT THAT WAS OFFERING TO THE WORLD, IT DOES AND I'M SO DPLAD THERE WAS MORE. AND IN FACT, DON ROBEISON SAID TO ME ONCE, I THINK YOU NEED TO WRITE LIKE THE GIRL'S VERSION. AND I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT, BUT I FIGURED WELL, HE'S A SMART GUY, HE KNOWS SOME STUFF. THE TRUTH WAS THOUGH, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS THAT I NEEDED TO PUT OUT THERE, AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT WAS, BECAUSE I FIGURED IT OUT FINALLY. THERE IS A STORY WHERE GINGER ROGERS SAID OR WAS ASKED RATHER: IS IT DIFFICULT KEEPING UP WITH FRED ASTAIRE, AND SHE SAID WELL, NO, NOT REALLY, I DO IT BACKWARDS AND IN HIGH HEELS SO TO ME THIS IS THE STORY OF ANOTHER GINGER ADDING TO THE DANCE IN HEELS, AUTISM IN HEELS. I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE BATHROOMS, THAT'S WHERE I FIGURED OUT WHAT IT WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY. I HAD TOLD MY DAUGHTER BEFORE SHE CAME WITH ME TO A CONFERENCE, SWEETIE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW WATCH OUT WE'RE WHEN I'M DONE TALKING THERE WILL BE A FLOOD TO THE BATHROOM AND SHE THOUGHT I MEANT BECAUSE TOO MUCH COFFEE, NO, WHAT SHE REALIZED AND SAW WAS THAT EVERY SINGLE TIME I WAS HEADING TO THE RESTROOM AFTERWARDS, WOMEN AND GIRLS WERE FOLLOWING ME. I CAME HERE TODAY FOR MY STUDENTS, MY HUSBAND, MY SON, MY WHATEVER--EXCEPT AS YOU'RE SPEAKING I'M HEARING MY STORY. I'M STARTING TO UNDERSTAND THAT MAYBE I'VE NOT BEEN SO SMART BUT SO STUPID MY WHOLE LIFE LONG. THAT MAYBE I'M NOT DEFECTIVE, AND BROKEN AND UNWANTED AND A CHEAP EXCUSE FOR SOMETHING ELSE, MAYBE I'M EXACTLY WHAT I'M MEANT TO BE AND I JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THAT WELL BECAUSE IN THE END, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NORMAL AND TYPICAL ARE NOT SYNONYMS. WE'RE TAUGHT THAT THEY ARE BUT THEY ARE NOT. OUR HEARTS ARE WIDE OPEN. THERE IS A WE TOO IN THE METOO MOVEMENT, EATING DISORDERS, SELF-HARM, CUTTING, DEPRESSION, PROFOUNDLY DEBILITATING ANXIETY, HUGE DISPARITY BETWEEN ACADEMIC POTENTIAL AND PROFESSIONAL ACHIEVEMENT OR LIFE SATISFACTION AND TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE REPEATED ROUNDS OF INTIMATE VIOLENCE, INTIMATE ABUSE, INTIMATE NEGLECT BECAUSE THE REALITY IS WHEN YOU ARE TOLD FROM THE VERY BEGINNING THAT ABOVE ALL, YOU ARE JUST TOO MUCH, TOO YOU MUCH THIS, AND TOO MUCH THAT, YOU ARE TOO INTENSE, YOU ARE TOO HARD TO TAKE, YOU ARE TIRING, YOU GO ON AND ON AND ON IN THE CIRCLES, IN CONVERSATIONS AND WOMEN'S RELATIONSHIPS THERE MEANT TO BE PRECISE AND WELL TIMED AND WITY AND SNAPY ONLY WHEN WE KNOW HOW TO IMITATE THEM BUT CAN'T INTUITIVELY IN THE REAL MOMENT BE IMPROVISATIONAL, WE BLOW IT AND AS WE GET OLDER HOSE œGET BIGGER AND BIGGER LIKE MAYBE WHEN YOU WALK IN TO ASK FOR A RAISE AND INSTEAD, ARE LET GO. I REALIZE THAT YOU LOOK AT ME, THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT PERHAPS YOU MAY THINK WELL, SHE'S NOT THIS, OR SHE'S NOT THAT, SHE'S--SHE'S NOT REALLY AUTISTIC. NO I'M NOT AUTISTIC OVERTLY LIKE EVERY PERSON IS, BUT I'M JUST WONDERING IF YOU WERE TO STAND ME UP NEXT TO ANY OTHER WOMAN IN THIS ROOM, WOULD WE LOOK IDENTICAL AND WOULD THAT MAKE EITHER 1 OF US LESS OR MORE OF A WOMAN? NO. THE BASIC INHERENT TRAITS OF BEING AUTISTIC, THEY ARE WITHIN EACH 1 OF US BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT, I AM MUCH MORE LIKE ANY PERSON ON THE SPECTRUM WHETHER THAT'S A PERSON WHO CANNOT REACH THEIR WORDS AND GET THEM OUT TO YOU LIKE ANY NEUROPERSON, I AM LO QUAISHES BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO GET PAST MY ANXIETY AND DESPERATELY HOPE THAT YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING OR LIKE ME OR WANT TO BRENG ME ALONG OR AT THE VERY LEAST NOT BREAK MY HEART BECAUSE WHEN YOU THINK YOU ARE TOO DIFFICULT TO LOVE, YOU WILL LOVE FOR CRUMBS AND YOU WILL TAKE IT ALL BECAUSE WE ARE PRIMED FROM THE TIME WE ARE LITTLE CHILDREN THAT IF YOU TELL ME THAT YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT GREEN AND I'M LOOKING AT IT AND I'M SEEING A GREEN CHAIR BUT MY WHOLE LIFE LONG, I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO SOMEHOW FUNCTION WHERE WHAT I SEE AND EXPERIENCE ISN'T WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE DOES, WELL, THEN, IT BECOMES PRETTY EASY TO HEAR THAT EVERYTHING ELSE THAT I'M SAYING IS WRONG, TOO. OR, YOU KNOW LIKE HAPPENED TO ME, BE COMPLETELY LEFT WITHOUT FRIENDS, HAVE YOU BE THE--BE THE 1 THAT EVERYONE ELSE WANTS TO LEAVE OUT OF THE GAMES TO THE POINT OF HUGE PRANKS AND SCHOOL WIDE HUMILIATION WHERE TEACHERS JUST AS HAPLY JUMP IN ON THE GROOMING PROCESS BECAUSE THEY WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WHAT YOU CAN DO AND THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE A GIRL AND AS YOU GROW, AND I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN THAT WOULD STABBED AT MY LOCKER EVERY DAY, AND TOLD ME TO GO HOME AND KILL MYSELF BECAUSE NOBODY WANTED ME THERE ANYWAY. I WENT TO 2 IVY LEAGUE SCHOOLS IN COLLEGE, SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN DESCRIBED ME IN THAT SCIENCE AS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DON'T THINK OF WITH AUTISM. AND ISN'T THAT THE POINT OF US ALL STANDING HERE. BEFORE WE BEGAN TODAY, I TOLD JOHN THE STORY OF TEMPLE ROLLING AROUND IN MY HOTEL ROOM DOING SCIATICA BUTT STRETCHES AS SHE PUT IT, ROLLING BACK AND FORTH AND BACK AND FORTH AND SHE ROLLED OVER MY HEELS AND SHE SAID I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WEAR THOSE THINGS THEY'RE TERRIBLE, I SAID OKAY, TEMPLE I'M PRETTY SURE I CAN'T ROCK THE BOLO TIE LIKE YOU CAN. THERE IS ROOM ENOUGH FOR ALL OF US IN THIS CONVERSATION AND I GO BACK TO THE IDEA THAT INCLUSION, THAT'S JUST A STARTING PLACE, IT'S NOT THE GOAL. AND WHETHER THAT MEANS IN THE CONVERSATION OF AUTISM, IN THE CONVERSATION HUMANITY, GOOD FOR US, GOOD FOR US, WE WANT TO GET PAST THE IDEA OF TOLERANCE AND YAY, WE WANT TO CELEBRATE DIVERSITY BUT DO WE REALLY? DO WE REALLY LOOK AT EACH OF THE OTHER PEOPLE, OTHER PEOPLE WHO SEEM NOT QUITE LIKE US AND DO SOMETHING MORE THAN GOING, OH THIS IS GOOD, YOU'RE HERE TOO. DO WE REALLY GENUINELY BELIEVE THAT THERE'S SOMETHING TO LISTEN TO BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE IT IS AS MUCH ABOUT THE AUTISM SPECTRUM AS IT IS ABOUT THE HUMAN SPECTRUM. AND IN AUTISM IN HEELS MOO I STORY COMES DOWN TO THIS: IT IS THOSE HONEST GENTLE TIMID VULNERABLE DANCES IN BETWEEN THE SPACES OF KNOWING WHAT IS HOW THE WOALD HAS TOLD YOU THAT YOU ARE AND THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING SOMETHING SO MUCH BETTER, NOT BY DOING, JUST BY BEING, THAT'S THE EXPERIENCE. IN THIS BOOK, THERE ARE STORIES OF SOME OF THE WORST MOST HUMILIATING MOMENTS OF MY LIFE, THINGS THAT ARE NOT IN MY HAPPY UPLIFTING IMPORTANT BOOKS FROM BEFORE. THERE ARE STORIES OF A WOMAN WHO'S 30-SOMETHING YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER DIED OF ANOREXIA AND THE MOM HAD READ THAT SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN ARTICLE ABOUT ME AND SAID OH MY GOSH, THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, I RECOGNIZE HER, I THINK THAT SHE WAS ON THE SPECTRUM, THE GRAND CHILD WAS BUT IT HAD NEVER BEEN ACKNOWLEDGED OR RECOGNIZED WITH THE DAUGHTER AND HER HEART WAS BROKEN TO FIND THAT IT WAS TOO LATE AND SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD NEVER KNOWN HER DAUGHTER BUT HERE'S THE BEAUTIFUL THING, I WAS GETTING READY TO GO OUT AND DO A TALK FOR HER IN MEMORY OF HER DAUGHTER WHEN SHE FOUND A PICTURE FROM HER DAUGHTER'S LAST FACEBOOK POST ABOUT HER VERY LAST BIRTHDAY. AND A AMONG THE PICTURES OF THE GIFTS SHE HAD THERE WAS 1 OF MY BOOKS AND IT WAS THE SECRET BOOK OF SOCIAL RULES, SAYS FOR TEENS AND BETWEEN TWEENS, BUT MOST READERS FOR,A DULTS BECAUSE I WROTE IT FOR MYSELF AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING AND I SAID DO YOU REALIZE THAT KATHRYN DIDN'T GET THAT FOR HER SON, HER SON WAS 5, SHE GOT IT FOR HERSELF AND THE MAGICAL MOMENT WAS IN REALIZING THAT THE MOTHER HAD SEEN HER DAUGHTER AND THE DAUGHTER HAD SEEN HERSELF BOTH IN SOMEONE WHO WAS NOT EXTRAORDINARY BUT JUST VERY MUCH LIKE THEM. AND REBECCA THE MOTHER HAD SAID IF ONLY THEY HAD KNOWN. IF ONLY THEY HAD KNOWN THE STORIES THAT WE CAN TELL YOU, HER DAUGHTER WOULD BE ALIVE BUT THE EXPERTS DON'T SEE US BECAUSE THEY SEE AND THEY RECOGNIZE ARE THE PATTERNS DESCRIBED BY LOOKING AT LITTLE BOYS PRIMARILY IN PRE-WAR VIENNA. I'M A MOM IN A BRA IN A MINIVAN, IT'S NOT SO MUCH THE SAME BUT THE NEEDS BEING SERVED ON ARE THE SAME. SO I GUESS I SAY TO YOU, THROUGH ALL OF THIS, I OFFER YOU THE REALITY OF ALL THAT I'VE DONE BEFORE BUT IN HEELS, WHAT I HOPE TO OFFER AS WELL IS THE MOST PRIVATE RAW REAL STORY OF WHAT IT IS TO DANCE BACKWARDS IN HEELS TO TAKE YOU ALONG FOR THE RIDE AND SAY, YOU KNOW KICK THEM UP BECAUSE WHETHER YOU'RE DOING IT IN KROKS OR IN A SENSIBLE SUIT, OR YOU'RE DOING IT IN THE BEST DANG SET OF STALLETO'S YOU'VE EVER SEEN, I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT AS LONG AS WE DO IT TOGETHER, REAL, DIFFERENT, TOGETHER. THANK YOU. [APPLAUSE ] >> SO THANK YOU GEN FOR FOR THAT NICE INTRODUCTION TO YOUR BOOK, NOW WE WILL HAVE TIME FOR NICE CONVERSATION WITH OUR AUTHORS SOME TIME FOR THE AUDIENCE TO ASK QUESTIONS WHEN DID YOU FIRST KNOW THERE WAS SOMETHING UNIQUE ABOUT YOU THAT MADE YOU DIFFERENT FROM OTHERS? AND ANYONE CAN ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS WHO FEELS COMFORTABLE. >> I THINK SUBCONSCIOUSLY, I ALWAYS KNEW SOMETHING WAS DIFFERENT. I WOULD GO TO PARTIES AND I NEVER WANTED TO BE WITH THE OTHER KIDS, I DIDN'T WANT THE OTHER KIDS SHARING MY THINGS, TOUCHING MY DOG, JUMPING IN MY POOL, LOOKING AT MY PARENTS AND I NOTICED THERE WAS A HERD MENTALITY AND THERE WAS ME BUT I DIDN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS AS DIFFERENT AS I AM NEUROLOGICALLY UNTIL AS JOHN MENTIONED EARLIER MY DAUGHTER WAS DIAGNOSED AND THEN I WAS ABLE TO FIGURE IT OUT. >> OKAY, GREAT. I WOULD DEFINITELY AGREEN CELLS WITH LE AN, TO ME IT WAS ALWAYS THING NOT KNOWING WHAT I THINK WE DO A REALLY GOOD JOB OF SAYING, WELL IT'S THIS, THAT, THE OTHER THING SO FOR ME IT'S I WAS AN ONLY CHILD, WELL, SHE HANGS OUT WITH ADULTS A LOT SO SHE'S REALLY SMART SO THAT'S HER SOUNDING LIKE A LITTLE PROFESSOR, OIRKSRONICLY THE SAME DESCRIPTION THAT WAS USED FOR THE LITTLE BOYS THAT WERE DISCOVERED WITH IT, BUT NO 1 MADE THE ASSOCIATION. THE WAY WE PLAY IS DIFFERENT AND JUST DOESN'T LOOK DIFFERENTLY ENOUGH, I THINK FOR A LOT OF TIMES OVER THE--NOT WELL INFORMED EXPERTS TO RECOGNIZE. >> FOR ME IT WAS PROBABLY WAS IN MY PRIMARY SCHOOL YEARS IS PROBABLY WHEN I REALIZED BECAUSE I WASN'T ANYTHING LIKE THE REST OF THE GIRLS. I WANTED TO BE LIKE THE REST OF THE BOYS, I THOUGHT YEAH, I WANT MY BMX, BIKE THAT'S WHAT STARTED ME ON MY MOTORCYCLING BECAUSE THEN I COULD GO FASTER, BUT I OFTEN QUESTION MYSELF BECAUSE LIKE, WHY DO THE OTHER GIRLS ARE NOT WANT TO CLIMB TREES WITH ME OR DO ALL SORTS OF--WHAT ALL THESE BOYS WERE DOING AND THE GUYS ACTUALLY TALKED FAR MORE SENSE THAN THE GIRLS EVER DID. SO IT WAS PROBABLY THROUGH THOSE YEARS THAT I QUESTIONED MYSELF WHEN I WAS AROUND 9 YEARS OLD BECAUSE I HAVE 2 BROTHERS AND I THOUGHT MAYBE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BOY OR SOMEHOW GOT REALLY SCREWED UP HERE AND I ENDED UP BEING A GIRL BECAUSE I THINK LIKE A GUY, BUT YET, SO IT WAS REALLY QUITE INTERESTING, YES, THROUGH THE YOUNGER YEARS I KNEW I WAS SO MUCH DIFFERENT TO EVERYBODY ELSE, SO YEAH. >> I WOULD JUST SAY THAT I WAS IMMERSED IN TRYING TO GET MY HANDS AROUND THE INFORMATION I WOULD NEED TO HAVE TO ADVOCATE FOR MY SON WHO WAS DIAGNOSED AT 3, VERY MALE, EXTERNALIZED EXPRESSION. I DON'T USE HIGH AND LOW FUNCTIONING, I THINK IT DOES A DISSERVICE TO EVERYBODY, I USE INTERNALIZING AND EXTERNALIZING AND HE WAS MUCH MORE EXTERNALIZING, HE WAS SYMPTOMATIC EASILY TO CAPTURE AND HE STARTED VERY EARLY ON AND VERY EARLY INTERVENTION, GOT EVERYTHING WE COULD GIVE HIM AND THEN I READ A BOOK CALLED PRETENDING TO BE NORMAL AND I MET THIS WOMAN IN ACCIDENT TO ME AND FOR THE FIRST TIME I WAS ABLE TO SEE AN IMAGE THAT REFLECTED ME RATHER THAN THE MORE EXTERNALIZED EXPRESSION OF MY SON, AND SO, IT ALLOWED ME TO START ASKING THOSE QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU KNOW AND I NEVER FELT DIFFERENT OR INADEQUATE BUT I WAS A LITTLE BEWILDERED WHEN I WOULD MIMIC THE BEHAVIORS OF OTHER PEOPLE AND I WANT TO BACK UP AND SAY I DON'T BELIEVE IN MASKING, I KNOW THAT'S NOT GOING TO BE POPULAR TODAY BUT I BELIEVE EVERYBODY MASKS, YOU WEAR THE SAME PERSONALITY FOR MARGARITAS WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AS YOU WEAR AT YOUR JOB INTERVIEW, EVERYBODY MASKS WHAT I WILL SAY IS IT'S EFFORTFUL FOR US. SO I WOULD DO WHAT I SAW OTHER PEOPLE DOING BUT I GOT BAD OUTCOMES AND I NEVER KNEW WHY. I NEVER SAID I'M A HORRIBLE AWFUL PERSON, I HAVE A LOT OF CONFIDENCE AND THAT NEVER HAPPENED BUT I WAS GEEKY, CONFUSED AND BEWILDERS ABOUT IT AND SO FROM NETWORKING WITH PEOPLE WE NOW CALL FAMILY, LIANE, VALENTINEDRY, ELIJAH'S CUP, THE BOOK WAS INFORMATIVE FOR ME BECAUSE I COULDN'T LOOK AT TEMPLE'S BOOKS AND SEE MYSELF REFLECTED THERE, WE'RE VERY DIFFERENT. SO IT WASN'T UNTIL I MET THESE OTHER WOMEN THAT I RECOGNIZED THE POTENTIAL FOR ME BEING ON THE SPECTRUM AND I THINK, LET'S GO DOWN THE ROW, I WAS 38. >> SORRY, ABOUT 36. >> THIRTY-FIVE,. >> SIX WEEKS BEFORE 40. >> SOIAY THAT'S A LOT OF YEARS OF BEWILDERMENT BUT THAT'S A SENSE OF COMPLETION AND UNDERSTANDING AND FROM THAT FOUNDATION OF SELF-AWARENESS AND BEING ABLE TO TAKE THE DIAGNOSIS OFF THE PAGE AND PUT IT IN REALTIME, YOU'RE THEN ABLE TO ASK FOR ACCOMMODATIONS WHICH IS SOMETHING NONE OF US ENJOYED RIGHT UNTIL THE VERY, VERY BITTER END. SO YOU'RE LOOKING AT A TABLE FULL OF RESILIENT, YOU KNOW DETERMINED, HEELS IN THE GROUND WOMEN WHO JUST NEVER GAVE UP. >> SO DO ANY OF YOU WANT TO SHARE MORE ABOUT WHAT LIVING WITH AUTISM WAS LIKE AND HOW IT CHANGED YOUR LIFE? >> FOR ME IT WAS EVERYTHING, IT WAS THE MOST LIFE CHANGING, EYE-OPENING, TEARS OF RELIEF MOMENT THAT I CAN HONESTLY RECALL. IT WAS UNZIPPING LIFE AND MAKING SENSE OF IT ALL IN REVERSE. BECAUSE SUDDENLY AGAIN AS I SAID BEFORE, YEAH, I WASN'T--WASN'T EFFICIENT AT BEING SOMETHING I WASN'T MEANT TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE, I COULD FIGURE OUT THINGS. I COULD START WRITING DOWN A LIST OF SOCIAL RULES THAT EVERYBODY ELSE SEEMED TO KNOW THAT I DIDN'T. THE IRONY IN THAT 1 IS, THAT'S WHAT BECAME THE BOOK THAT--IT WON BOOK OF THE YEAR AND I THOUGHT NOBODY WAS EVER GOING TO READ IT BECAUSE NOBODY WOULD CARE BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE NEEDED THESE TIPS, THE FACT IS WE ALL MAYBE NEED SOME TIPS IN GETTING ALONG AND SEEING THINGS, YOU KNOW FOR--SO TO ME, OH GOSH IT WAS THE KINDEST MOST GRACIOUS THING THAT COULD EVER, EVER HAVE HAPPENED. YEAH. >> MINE'S A BIT DIFFERENT AND PROBABLY QUITE COMMON FOR MOST WOMEN, I WAS MISDIAGNOSED ORIGINALLY AND THAT PROBABLY DID MORE DETRIMENT THAN IT DID GOOD& FOR ME BECAUSE I WAS RESEARCHING ABOUT MYSELF AND AGAIN, I'M SAME AS DENA, AND LIANE WAS 1 OF MY FIRST BOOKS AND CHANGED MY LIFE AND I WENT INTO THE COAL COALINGST THAT I SAW THAT HAD MISDIAGNOSED ME DIDN'T BELIEVE ME, NO, NO, YOU'RE NOT THIS, YOU'RE TOO, TOO EMOTIONAL, TOO EXTREME, NO, YOU HAVE PILOT PROJECT POLEAR DISORDER, THIS IS SOCIAL FAILURE THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T LIKE PEOPLE. AND IT WASN'T UNTIL LIKE I SAID, BEFORE, I WENT TO THIS EVENT BECAUSE I JUST THOUGHT I HAD GIIVE UP MORE BY THEN, I RESIDED MYSELF THAT THERE'S JUST SOMETHING, I CAN NEVER GET MY LIFE TOGETHER AND WHEN I SPOKE TO THIS DOCTOR AND SAID ABOUT WHAT I HAD BEEN DIAGNOSED AND SHE JUST WENT NO YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT. YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT. SO I WENT AND SAW HER AND THEN WENT TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST THAT NEW SOMETHING ABOUT AUTISM IN WOMEN AND I WALKED OUT OF THAT OFFICE AT THAT TIME, 10 YEARS AGO WITH ASPERGER'S SYNDROME, ADHD AND DYSLEXIA AND THAT REALLY MADE A WHOLE LOT OF SENSE FOR WHAT WAS GOING ON. AND ONCE YOU START TO UNDERSTAND YOURSELF, IT REALLY DOES TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND. CAN YOU THEN STOP GOING, RIGHT, I DON'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THE RESTER OF THE PEOPLE, KITAKE HOLD OF MYSELF, I CAN EMBRACE WHO I AM AND I'M NOT GOING TO TRY TO FIT IN ANYMORE. >> CAN I JUDGE UTV ASK A QUESTION BECAUSE I KNOW DENA AND YOU HEARD THIS AND I DID TOO, I THINK ALL OF US, WE'RE AT FIRST MISDIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR, IF IT'S NOT--IT IS SOMETHING THAT IS THROWN, IT IS SUCH AN INCREDIBLY COMMON PROCES ALONG THE WAY FOR WOMEN TO BE FIRST MISIDENTIFIED AS BIPOLAR, I KNOW WHEN I WAS HOSPITALIZED IN MY 20S THEY ASSIGNED ME AND THE DOCTOR ASKED ABOUT RACING THOUGHTS AND I WAS TELLING YOU THIS YESTERDAY AND HE SAID WELL IF WE WERE--WE IF WE WERE CARS ON A HIGHWAY AND OUR THOUGHTS WERE THE CARS HOW FAST WOULD YOU BE GOING? AND FIRST OF ALL THE MIND BLINDNESS, I DON'T KNOW HOW FAST IS YOUR CAR, WHAT'S THE SPEED ORDER OF MICRONSETTER, THIS IS CRAZY AND THEN ALSO I KEPT THINKING MAYBE I'M JUST SMARTER THAN YOU AND THAT'S WHY I'M THINKING FAST. BUT SERIOUSLY, THERE AS AS DENA POINTED OUT LAST NIGHT NO PSYCHEOSEIS. NO PSYCHEOSEIS. >> RIGHT. YEAH. I HAD BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED AS A YOUNG GIRL SO EVERYTHING THAT WAS WRONG IN MY LIFE WAS BAOF THE ARDIZEED INTO IT BEING TRAUMA. WHAT NO 1 LOOKED AT IS WHY THERE WAS A DISTINCT PATTERN. I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED BY A STEP PARENT THEN SEXUALLY ABUSED BY NOT 1, NOT 2, NOT 3 BUT 4 CLERGY MEN OVER A PERIOD OF 6 YEARS. AND NOBODY LOOKED AT THAT FOR THE VULNERABILITY AND THE NAI'VEETY THAT WAS UNDERLYING IT THAT THERE WERE SO MANY SIGNS BUT AGAIN THIS IS NOT WHAT THEY WERE LOOKING FOR. THE OTHER THING WE HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT MISDIAGNOSIS THAT'S REALLY CRITICAL, THE NUMBER 1 MOST COMMON FIRST MISDIAGNOSIS FOR AUTISM IS ADHD. IF YOU GET AN ADHD DIAGNOSIS, THEY GIVE YOU STIMULATES. IF THEY GIVE YOU STIMULANTS AND YOU DON'T HAVE ADHD OR YOU'RE AHIVITY AND I CAN YOU RECEIVE CHEMICALS AT A HIGH INTENSITY YOU BEGIN TO DEVELOP OTHER BEHAVIORS THEY DON'T LIKE SO THEN THEY GIVE YOU ANOTHER PILL AND THEN THEY GIVE YOU ANOTHER PILL, SO BY THE TIME THEY CHANGED MOO I DIAGNOSIS FROM BIPOLAR TO AUTISM I WAS ON 14 DIFFERENT PSYCHIATRIC DRUGS. BEING AUTISTIC NEVER DISABLED ME BUT TRYING TO BE NORMAL NEARLY KILLED ME AND CRITERIA YOU KNOW AND NOW THAT I'M OLD AND I HAVE A DIAGNOSIS AND I CAN PREPARE EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE TO CONSIDER MY AUTISM, NOW I'M ON SOMETHING TO HELP ME SLEEP AT NIGHT WHICH I LATER FIGURED OUT WAS MY ACHILLES' HEEL WHICH HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICINE BECAUSE I'M TYPEA. SO NOW CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT THOSE MISDIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR PERSONALITY DISORDER IS ANOTHER 1, THE TREATMENT DESTROYS US. SO GETTING A PROPER DIAGNOSIS IS THE KEY. IT'S THE KEY TO HEALTH AND WELLNESS FOR US. >> I HAVE JUST A FUNNY LITTLE STORY, MY DAUGHTER WAS IN A 2 DAY CLINICAL 8-HOUR, 6 HOURS A DAY EVALUATION SERVICE ASK WHEN& SHE WAS FINISHED THE CLIN 8 HOURSS LOOKEDDA AT ME BECAUSE I POINTED OUT THORS SOMEONE THAT THE BROACH WAS THE MOST UGLY THING I HAD EVER SEEN TO MY LIFE, AND THEY SAID WE THINK YOU NEED TO GET A DIAGNOSIS AND SURE ENOUGH I RAN INTO DR. TONYAT WOOD AND WROTE THE BOOK I RECEIVED NOT 1 BUT 2 OR 3 DIAGNOSIS AND I THOUGHT I DON'T LOOK LIKE RAIN MAN AND THIS WAS EARLY ON AND MY FATHER WAS DIAGNOSED IN HIS 60S AND OUR SOLUTION WAS TO SAY, NOW WE KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH EVERYBODY, NOT US. ALL THOSE PEOPLE CALLED NORMAL, THEY'RE THE--LOOK HOW THEY'RE DOING, WHY ARE THEY ACTING THAT WAY? AND SO WE FELT WE WERE AMONG THE HONORED POPULATION AND I STILL FEEL THAT WAY TODAY. >> SO CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT WHAT UNIQUE CHALLENGES YOU FACE AS WOMENOT SPECTRUM THAT MEN ON THE SPECTRUM DON'T FACE? >> SO I WOULD FEEL VERY UNFOM FORTABLE MOVING FORWARD IF WE DON'T HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AND THAT IS ALTHOUGH WE'RE TALKING ABOUT AUTISTIC WOMEN HERE, THERE ARE MANY, MANY MALE CHILDREN AND MALE ADULT WHO IS PRESENT IN THIS DEFINITE KIND OF INTERNALIZING PHENOTYPE. AND SO, I THINK THAT ANY KIND OF GENDER BINARY, PEOPLE WHO ARE GENDER NONBINARY, PEOPLE WHO ARE TRANSGENDER WHO LIVE UNDER A DOUBLE RAINBOW WITH 2 COMES OUTS, RIGHT? THEY COME OUT AS AUTISTIC OR LGBTQ OR TRANSITIONAL AND WHEN WE DO THESE BINARYS WE RISK LEAVING PEOPLE OUT BECAUSE NOTHING IN LIFE IS BINARY. WE'RE LEARNING THAT. SO I WANT TO MAKE THAT LIKE A CAVEAT FOR THE DAY YOU YOU KNOW I THINK THAT FOR ME, AS SOMEBODY WHO'S AN EXTROVERT ON STEROIDS LIKE THE BELL CURVE IS THERE, MY SON'S ON THE INTROVERTED TO A FAULT END, I'M ON THE OTHER END AND BEING AN EXTRO VERT ON STEROIDS MEANS THAT I COME ACROSS AS VERY DIRECT AND I ASK QUESTIONS WITH STATEMENTS AND IT'S INTERESTING, MEN DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, BUT MANY, MANY WOMEN STRUGGLE WITH VERY DIRECTIVE COMMUNICATION BECAUSE OF SOME PRIOR TRAUMA THEY'VE EXPERIENCED. SO, I, YOU KNOW NOW THAT I'M--IT'S BEEN REALLY FUNNY ALL IN NIGH 30S WOMEN ARE ABOUT FLUFF AND RECIPES AND ABOUT CHILDREN AND I JUST WANTED TO LIKE DIE BECAUSE I HAD NOTHING IN COMMON WITH THEM, AND THEN ALL MY FRIENDS WENT THROUGH THE CHANGE AND NOW THEY'RE LIKE DIRECT AND STRAIGT FORWARD AND THEY WANT TO LEAVE A LEGACY AND NOW I HAVE MORE FRIENDS THAN I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE AND I REALLY EVAPORATE CHANGED MY MY FEMALE FRIENDS HAVE TRANSITIONED INTO A DIFFERENT PHASE OF THEIR LIFE THEY WAS ALREADY IN. SO IT'S BEEN EXCITING NOW TO HAVE THIS AUTISTIC FAMILY, A HAVE A LOT OF FAMILY IN NEW YORK THAT ARE NOT AUTISTIC PEOPLE BUT THEY SUPPORT ME IN A WAY I NEVER EXPERIENCED. YOU KNOW MY-- >> [INDISCERNIBLE] >> --WOMEN JUST GO THROUGH A DIFFERENT PHASE OF DEVELOPMENT, WOMEN CHANGE MULTIPLE TIMES WE WEAR MULTIPLE IDENTITIES AND I THINK THAT MAY BE UNIQUE TO WOMEN, NOT JUST WOMEN WITH AUTISM, BUT WOMEN IN GENERAL, YOU KNOW? ANYONE ELSE HAVE A COMMENT ON THAT PARTICULAR QUESTION? >> I JUST WANT TO FOLLOW UP WITH WHAT DENA SAID ABOUT WITH GENDER. WHAT I FOUND WITH OUR BOOK THAT WE'VE WRITTEN WE'VE HAD A LOT OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE, NONAPOPTOTIC THE JUST WOMEN, NONBINARY, I'VE HAD MALES, ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE SEND E-MAILS AND COMMENT SAYING, THIS SARKS PLIES TO ME. SO YEAH, EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS SPECTRUM WOMEN, THIS BOOK IS BASICALLY FOR EVERYONE AND ANYONE. >> I WOULD--DID I DO THAT RIGHT? I COMPLETELY CONCUR, AGAIN TO THE HUMAN SPECTRUM. I KNOW MY DAUGHTER HAS SEVERAL FRIENDS WHO IDENTIFY AS GENDER FLUID OR ARE TRANS, AND WHAT WE SPHOWND THAT SOMETIMES IT'S ACTUALLY VERY HELPFUL TO UNDERSTAND THAT WHEREVER YOUR BIOLOGY OR PSYCHOLOGY IS HEADED, SOMETIMES WHERE YOU BEGAN ALSO IS PART OF THE EXPRESSION, TOO, SO HONESTLY, I THINK THE WHOLE POINT THAT WE'RE ALL TRYING TO MAKE, I THINK IS THAT NONE OF US WANT TO TAKE AWAY FROM THAT WHICH IS ALREADY UNDERSTOOD ABOUT AUTISM. WE WANT TO ADD TO THE CONVERSATION, NOT SAY, EH-EH, JUST ADD TO IT BECAUSE THERE ARE UNIQUE--THERE ARE UNIQUE BITS THAT HAVE TO BE INCLUDED IF WE DO A GOOD JOB SAYING THIS IS AUTISM. >> O WHAT STRENGTHS DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE BECAUSE OF YOUR AUTISM? >> I CAN RIDE A MOTOR BIKE REALLY WELL. [LAUGHTER] ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I RIDE A MOTOR BIKE AS WELL IS BECAUSE IT HELPS WITH MY ANXIETY, IT'S A BIG STRESS RELIEF AND ALSO WHEN I'M ON MY MOTOR BIKE, I'M NOT CLUMSY ANYMORE. WHEN MY FEET ARE ON THE GROUND, THE FURNITURE HATES ME AND THE WALLS AND DOORS AND ANYTHING ELSE, SO THAT'S WHERE I FIND MY SUPER POWER IS WHEN I'M ON MY BIKE, I NO LONGER FEEL THAT EVERYTHING, LIKE THE FURNITURE THROW ITSELF AT ME. KIMOVE, I FEEL GRACEFUL AND LIKE I'M IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD. I HAVE MY HELMET ON, NOBODY CAN TALK TO ME, IT'S THE PERFECT SPACE TO BE IN. SO FOR ME THAT IS MY SUPER POWER IS BECAUSE OF MY MOTOR BIKE. >> I THINK IT'S PRETTY WELL KNOWN THAT PEOPLE WITH AUTISM HAVE GREAT OBSERVATIONAL POWERS, ARE WE MAKE GREAT ARCHITECTS AND DOCTORS AND PEOPLE LOOKING, MY FATHER WAS A TESTING ENGINEER, LOOKING FOR FLAWS IN THINGS, I THINK ALMOST HAVE A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY IN MY CASE, I CAN REMEMBER EVERYTHING I'VE SEEN BUT HOW TO APPLY IT THAT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY BUT I THINK WE HAVE GREAT LOYALTY SKILLS, ONCE WE LIKE YOU, WE LIKE YOU FOREVER AND IF WE HATE YOU WHATEVER, WE DON'T CARE SO MUCH. WE TEND TO BE VERY--WE DISCUSSED THIS EARLIER WE TEND TO BE EMPATHICS, YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT? >> SURE IT'S A BIG RUMOR THAT AUTISTIC PEOPLE DON'T HAVE EMPATHY, BUT WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION RECENTLY IN COMMUNITY IS HOW MANY OF US ARE ACTUALRE EMPATHS AND THE REASON WE SHUT DOWN IN A ROOM FULL OF ENERGY IS NOT BECAUSE WE DON'T FEEL ANYTHING, IT'S BECAUSE WE FEEL EVERYTHING. AND SO, I DO REALLY THINK THAT YOU KNOW THAT'S SOMETHING PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND. IT'S A GREAT MYTH WE NEED TO BUST. I WOULD SAY, I HAVE PROBABLY 2 SUPER POWERS, 1 IS INORDINATE CAPACITY TO DIG DEEP AND UNDERSTAND HOW SYSTEMS WORK SO THAT PEOPLE CAN NAVIGATE THEM. IT'S A VERY UNIQUE TALENT I'M FINDING OUT AND FOR ME IT WAS JUST A PROBLEM SOLVING STRATEGY THING BUT IT'S REALLY UNIQUE. AND I ALWAYS HAVE THE CAPACITY, YOU HEAR THE WORD [INDISCERNIBLE] BUT YOU THINK ABOUT IT BEING MIRRORED LANGUAGE FROM SOMEONE WHERE YOU SAY HI JOHN, AND THEY SAY HI JOHN RIGHT BACK TO YOU BUT EVERYTHING I'M SPEAKING TO YOU TODAY, IS ECHLALAIAN, EVERYTHING I HAVE SAID TO YOU TODAY, I'VE SAID BEFORE THE SAME WAY, SO UNLESS WE GO HAVE DRINKS YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT, AND I'VE NEVER REHEARSED IT, I HAVE A NIEWRKSNIQUE CAPACITY TO BORROW LANGUAGE FROM OTHER ENVIRONMENTS AND USE IT IN A WAY THAT'S VERY PRODUCTIVE FOR ME. SO WHEN YOU--YOU KNOW I HEAR PARENTS SAY MY KID AS ECHO LA LIAISON AN AND NOTHING HE SAYS MAKES ANY SENSE, I SAID YES IT DOES, YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE MOVIE, THE DISNEY COMMUNITYICATING CLOSE ENOUGH BECAUSE THEY'RE COMMUNICATING WITH YOU. THAT'S MY OTHER SUPER POWER IS I HAVE THE ABILITY TO USE LANGUAGE IN A WATHAT SEEMS TO BE VERY BRIDGE-BUILDING, I THINK. >> SO TELL US ABOUT WHAT IT'S BEEN LIKE SHARING YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCES BEING ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM SO PUBLICLY THROUGH YOUR WRITING AND PUBLIC SPEAKING, WHAT HAS THAT BEEN LIKE FOR YOU AND HOW HAS THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE. >> IT'S BEEN REALLY GREAT, ACTUALLY IESM REAL LE GLAD I'VE TOLD THE WORLD WHO I AM RATHER THAN PRETENDING WHO I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT WHATSOEVER, I'VE NOT HAD ANY NEGATIVE FEEDBACK FROM IT, THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS IS SOME FAMILY, THEY DIDN'T EMBRACE WHO I WAS AT ALL AND IT CAME DOWN TO A POINT A FEW YEARS AGO WHERE I BASICALLY CUT OFF ALL OF MY FAMILY BECAUSE IT WAS BETTER FOR MY WELL BEING TO DO THAT AND TO LEAVE THE LIFE THE WAY I WANTED IT, NOT HAVE THEM PERCEIVE WHO I WAS GOING NO, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, THAT'S THE WAY YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN, WE LOVED YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. WELL, NO YOU DIDN'T, YOU DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW WHO I WAS OR THE STRUGGLES I HAD TO PUT UP WITH, SO THEN TURNING IT AROUND LIKE THAT AND THEN TELLING THE WORLD THROUGH THE BOOK AND WRITING AND CONNECTIONS WITH THE OTHER WOMEN AS WELL WITH THE WRITERS GREW, IT'S A VERY EMPOWERING THING TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT, IS TO BE JUST SO VERY, VERY OPEN ABOUT WHO I AM. IT TAKES AWAY SO MUCH OF THAT FEAR OF WHO I USED TO THINK I WAS THAT I WAS THIS DEFECTIVE PERSON IS TAKEN AWAY EVERYTHING NOW AND I CAN BE EXACTLY WHO I WANT TO BE. >> FOR ME I THINK IT'S INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP, MADE MY RELATIONSHIPS MORE AUTHENTIC, IT'S ENABLED ME TO EXTRICATE MYSELF FROM SITUATIONS THAT WEREN'T HEALTHY IN WAYS THAT MAYBE I WOULD NOT HAVE OTHERWISE BECAUSE I ALWAYS DID WANT TO--I WAS A PERFECTIONIST SO FIT ALL THE--TAKE ALL THE BOXES, DO IT ALL RIGHT, BE THE GOOD GIRL. AND SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES SAFER, HEALTHIER DOESN'T WALK THAT LINE. FOR ME ALSO, I THINK IT'S MADE ME A BETTER MOTHER, IT'S MADE ME A MORE AUTHENTIC LIVER OF LIFE AND I THINK THE BEST THING FOR ME IS THAT RECENTLY MY DAUGHTER WAS ASKED TO WRITE ABOUT SOMEONE WHO INSPIRES HER AND AT 16 THAT IS NOT A GUARANTEE IT'S GOING TO BE YOUR PARENT IN FACT, USUALLY, YOU KNOW IT COULD BE THE OPPOSITE, BUT SHE DID AND SHE WROTE ABOUT ME AND WHAT SHE WROTE IS--SHE WROTE THAT I HAVE INSPIRED HER TO SEEK AND CULTIVATE WONDER AND CUEIOSITY IN THE WORLD AND I THINK THAT THAT'S MY AUTISTIC SUPER POWER IS THAT I PROMISED MYSELF TO NOT FOR GET WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE A KID AND MEANS NONAPOPTOTIC THE FORGETTING WHAT IT IS TO BE OVERWHELMED OR SCARED, UNSURE, AND ALSO SUPER EXCITED TO JUST BE AND BUBBLE AND ASK AND WONDER BECAUSE CURIOSITY IN A RELATIONSHIP IS A BEAUTIFUL THING. SO, YEAH, THAT. >> SO WHAT ADVICE DO HAVE YOU FOR PARENTS OF GIRLS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM AND PARTICULARLY SPEAKING FROM YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE AS MOTHERS? >> SO MY FATHER AND I FORMED A LITTLE TEAM, WE CALL TODAY TEAM ASPE, AND THIS WAS BEFORE THE NEW CENTER AND WE WANTED EVERYONE, PARTICULARLY MY DAUGHTER TO KNOW THAT WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU ARE AND WE LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE, AND YOU WILL GO TO COLLEGE EVEN THOUGH THE UNIVERSITIES TOLD US YOU WOULDN'T BUT YOU'LL BE BECOME SOMETHING, HER FIRST DIAGNOSIS WAS THIS CHILD IS NOT, IS NOT, IS NOT, IS NOT, IS NOT, AND THIS IS EARLY ON, I DON'T THINK WE USE THOSE TERMS IN AND THAT DIALOGUE ANYMORE BUT WE FILLED HER MIND WITH YOUR POTENTIA WILL IS INFINITE. AND YOU WILL DO WHAT WE WANT TO DO AND WE WILL SUPPORT YOU THE WHOLE WAY AND SHE HAS AND SHE IS AND SHE STILL HAS STRUGGLES BUT SHE GETS THROUGH THEM WITH SUPPORT AND FAMILY AND I THINK GETTING THAT SELF-ESTEEM BOOST THAT YOU CAN, YOU WILL. IF WE COULD ALL DO THAT TO EVERYBODY, WE MEET EVERYWHERE, WHAT A LEFT WE WOULD GIVE TO THE WORLD, AUTISM OR NOT. >> I THINK 1 OF THE GREATEST PEOPLE THAT THEY NEED TO OUTGROW THINGS. YOU DON'T OUTGROW AUTISM, YOU GROW INTO IT, AND YOU KNOW, THERE'S A GAP BETWEEN YOUR FUNCTIONAL IQ AND YOUR PERFORMANCE, THERE'S ALWAYS A GAP FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE IN THAT YOUR EXECUTIVE FUNCTION, YOUR WORKING MEMORY, YOUR SOCIAL ISSUES, YOUR ANXIOUS, SOMETHING IS CREATING THIS GAP IN YOUR PERFORMANCE OUTCOMES BUT IT'S THE ACCOMMODATIONS, THE MODIFICATIONS, THE SELF-AWARENESS AND THE MAXIMIZING OF SUPPORT OPTIONS THAT CLOSES THE GAP. BUT WITH KIDS WHO ARE INVISIBLY AUTISTIC WE START DELINEATING, YOU DON'T NEED THAT, YOU DON'T NEED THAT. YET WHEN I LOOK ADULTS ARE USING CALENDARS LIKE THE KIDS ARE USING SCHEDULES WHY DO WE STIGMATIZE THAT, RIGHT? SO I CAN TELL YOU I'VE BEEN ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH ALL MY ACADEMIC COURSE WORK, PASSED ALL THE COMPS FOR PIE PHR D AT 60, LIVED IN THE GRADUATE DORM FOR 2 YEARS AT 56 BUT I WAS ABLE TO DO ALL THAT NOT IN SPITE OF MY AUTISM BUT BECAUSE I COMPLETELY OWN MIERKS AUTISM NOW, I KNOW WHAT I NEED, I HAVE LANGUAGE TO ASK WHAT I NEED. THAT'S WHERE WE FALL DOWN. WE'RE NOT TEACHING AUTISTIC KIDS FROM THE OUTSIDE IN WHO THEY ARE BECAUSE WE DON'T COME TO IT ON OUR OWN UNLESS WE DO IT THROUGH TREMENDOUS PAIN AND UNREASONABLE DELAY. IF WE WERE TO INSTEAD SAY, CONGRTULATIONS, TODAY YOU--YOU KNOW WE FIGURED OUT WHY YOU THINK THE WAY YOU DO AND WHY YOU'RE SO GOOD ATA AND WHY SO GOOD AT B AND WHY C'S HARDER, LET ME TEACH YOU ABOUT AUTISM AND THEN WE WORK ON HOW DOES THE WORLD EXPERIENCE MY AUTISM AND HOW DO I EXPERIENCE THE WORLD DIFFERENTLY THROUGH LENS OF AUTISM AND THEN FROM THAT, WE BUILD THOSE SCAFFOLDED SUPPORTS. THAT'S WHERE WE'RE GOING TO SEE LESS SUICIDE, LESS DEPRESSION, LESS ANXIOUS, MORE AUTONOMY, MORE AGENCY BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE. IT'S THE ONLY IDENTITY THAT WE NEED TAUGHT. I HAD TO LEARN IT OVER 30 YEARS THROUGH STEVEN SHORE, LIANE, WILLEY, OTHER PEOPLE NEED HELP GETTING THERE FASTER, IT SHOULDN'T TAKE 30 YEARS TO OWN THAT. , COULD I QUICKLY SAY SOMETHING, I'M NOT A MOTHER BUT I WONDERED--WELL I USED TO BE A MOTHER OF 2 CATS BUT I WANTED TO SAY AS WELL, THAT IT'S ACTUALLY OKAY IF YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. THERE IS SO MANY OF US OUT THERE THAT ARE QUITE CONTENT TO BE CAT LOVERS, DOG LOVE LOVERS, PARENTS OF FURY ANIMALS OR SNAKES, YOU KNOW IT'S PERFECTLY OKAY TO SAY TO YOUR FAMILY AND TO PEOPLE GOING NO I'M QUITE OKAY NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN. I'M QUITE HAPPY WITH HOW MY LIFE IS, SO I JUST WANT TO THROW THAT IN THERE ABOUT WITH PARENTING AND STUFF. >> I THINK OF MY DAUGHTER, THERE ARE 2 THINGS THAT COME TO MIND THAT I THINK ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT. ONE, IT'S FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALWAYS MORE COMPLICATED. THEY ARE MORE NUANCED SOCIALLY AND THERE ARE LEVELS OF COMPLEXITY THAT A NEURO--WE TEND TO ACT MORE ALONG THE LINES OF A NEUROTYPICAL MAIL AND AHIVITYICAL BRAIN SOCIALLY ABOUT WHAT THE NEUROTYPICAL MALE THIS IS MAKING BROAD GENERALITIES BUT RESEARCH IS SHOWING THAT WE'RE WORKING, THAT'S NOT OR PEER SET THOUGH, SO THAT'S WHERE WE STUMBLE AND WE FALL. WE DON'T KNOW, AND NEED TO BE TAUGHT THAT THERE ARE IN FACT SOCIAL HIERARCHYS THAT SOMEBODY YOU MET ONCE OR EVEN TWICE IS NOT NECESSARILY YOUR FRIEND. YOU DON'T RESPOND TO THEM AND TREAT THEM THE SAME WAY YOU WOULD AS SOMEBODY NIEWF KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME. WE'RE EXCELLENT AT IDENTIFYING WHAT A FRIEND IS NOT. WE'RE NOT AT ALL IDENTIFYING AT WHAT A FRIEND IS. UNDERSTANDING THAT OTHER PEOPLE MAY HAVE MOTIVATIONS ESPECIALLY IN FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS WHERE INFORMATION IS THE KEY COMMODITY THAT IS BEING TRADED AT ALL TIMES THAT THERE ARE ROLES THAT PEOPLE PLAY. ONCE YOU CAN START TO UNDERSTAND THOSE, I KNOW THAT'S A LOT OF--I KNOW I'VE WRITTEN ABOUT IT IN SOME OF MY OTHER BOOKS BUT MY DAUGHTER SAID SHE WILL SIT THERE AND STUDY THAT BECAUSE SHE CAN THEN LOOK AT A GROUP OF PEOPLE AND KNOW WHO'S ACTING AS WHAT AND HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF FITTING IN TO IT, AND THEN THE RPGHT THING WOULD BE THAT EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU HAVE OR SEE A YOUNG WOMAN, AN OLD WOMAN, A MIDDLE AGED WOMAN, A KID, WHATEVER WHERE YOU ARE SEEING SELF-HARM AND/OR EATING DISORDS THAT ALSO, ALWAYS, ALWAYS NEEDS TO BE A RED FLAG THAT THERE NEEDS TO BE AN AUTISM EVALUATION ALWAYS BECAUSE IT'S RIGIDITY, IT'S ROUTINE, IT'S CONTROL OVER ANXIETY. WE ARE PRIME CANDIDATES AND WE TAKE THINGS OUT ON OURSELVES BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE WE CAN CHANGE SOMETHING. AND YOU HEARD THE STORY I TOLD YOU BEFORE, SO THOSE TO ME ARE THE 2 THAT--TO NOT TAKE THINGS LITERALLY WITH BOYS OR GIRLS OR WHOEVER YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE GOING TO BE WITH, LEARN TO PROTECT YOURSELF AS WELL. >> SO WHAT TIPS DO YOU HAVE TO HELP GIRL AND WOMEN ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM SUCCEED IN LIFE. >> TO SUCCEED IN LIFE, NOT LISTEN TO WHAT NEUROTYPICALS TELL YOU AND WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING. BE THE PERSON WHO YOU WANT TO BE, YOU KNOW? IT'S LIKE WHAT I SAID BEFORE, STOP TRYING TO FIT INTO WHAT SOCIETY WANTS. GO OUT THERE AND DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, DO WHAT YOU'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT. YOU KNOW? YES THERE IS GOING TO BE CHALLENGES WITH SOCIETY, YOU KNOW, THEY'VE GOT A LONG WAY TO GO, TO GO FROM THIS MEDICALIZED MODEL TO THE SOCIAL MODEL OF GOING WE'RE NOT THE DEFECTIVE 1S, IT'S THE ENVIRONMENT THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE TO SUPPORT US, TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN US AND TO SO WE CAN ACHIEVE WHAT WE WANT. THAT'S WHAT WE NEED TO DO, SOCIETY HAS TO LOOK AT IT DIFFERENTLY. >> I ONCE SAID AT A CONFERENCE WE PARTICIPATED IN, THE NUMBER 1 TRAUMA IS NOT BEING BELIEVED. WHEN WE GO TO DOCTORS AND WE HAVE SELF-ASSESSED AND WE'RE LOOKING IF ARE CONFIRMATION, AND THEY SAY YOU COULDN'T BE AUTISTIC, FILL IN THE BLANK. THAT'S OUR FIRST TRAUMA AND I THINK ALSO IN TERMS OF THAT, WE ARE STRIVING FOR A NEURODIVERSE SOCIAL MODEL OF DISABILITY WHERE WE RECOGNIZE SOCIETY'S FAILURE OF ACCEPTING US AS BEING OUR GREATEST BARRIER, BUT I WILL SAY IN CONTRAST THAT AT LEAST IN THE UNITED STATES, ALL OF OUR SYSTEMS ARE BASED ON THE MEDICAL MODEL. SO, YOU KNOW I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU RYE TO GET SOCIAL SECURITY DECLARING YOURSELF NEURODIVERSE. LIKE WE NEED THESE CLASSIFICATIONS, AND WE NEED THESE LABELS, FOR ME I'M FINE WITH THE LABEL, I'MA AUTISTIC, I'M DISABLED AND IT EFFECTS ME EVERY DAY BUT FUNCTIONALLY WE HAVE TO USE THESE IDENTIFIERS IN ORDER TO GET SERVICES AND I WOULD AWLINGS POINT OUT THAT OF ALL THE PEOPLE LIVING IN AUTISM LAND, I HAVE THE GREATEST EMPATHY RIGHT NOW FOR MALE FATHERS WHO ARE CURRENTLY SINGLE PARENTING THEIR CHILDREN WITHOUT ANY FAMILY SUPPORT, THEIR NEURODIVERSE THEMSELVES QUITE OFTEN, THEY MAKE A BIT TOO MUCH MONEY TO QUALIFY FOR SERVICES OR THEY DON'T MAKE--THEY CAN'T KEEP THEIR JOBS. LIKE AUTISTIC WOMEN QUITE OFTEN, THEY HAVE AT LEAST PART OF THEIR LIVES WHERE THEY HAVE A SECONDARY PROVIDER SOMETIMES THAT CAN HELP OFFSET THAT, BUT IT DOESN'T HAPPEN FOR MALES ON THE SPECTRUM AND SO, I THINK SUPPORTING SINGLE PARENTING WITH MORE SERVICES, MORE SUPPORTS, MAKING SYSTEMS NAVIGATABLE INSTEAD OF THEIR BEING THIS HIDDEN CURRICULUM AROUND, SOCIAL SECURITY AND ALL THOSE OTHER SYSTEMS, THAT'S HOW CAN YOU MAKE BETTER FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE. >> ONE THING MY DAD ALWAYS ASKED MOOY WAS TO ASK, WE WOULD DO THE JOURNALISM MODEL, THE 5 Ws, HOW, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, AND IF YOU GIVE A FEMALE CHILD THE LICENSE TO SAY I'M GOING TO BE INQUISITIVE, SCIENTIFIC, I'M GOING TO FOLLOW THE RESEARCH MODEL IN HAPPENING, I WILL PROBLEM SOLVE, I WILL NOT JUST BE AN EXCUSE TO GO TO THE LIBRARY, I WILL DIG IN AND FIND OUT WHY, ONCE WE HAVE THE WHYs BEHIND THE WHATEVER IT IS, THAT'S COMING TO US, WE CAN START TO USE OUR RATIONAL THINKING, OUR LOGIC, PRAGMATICS, POWERS OF OBSERVATION, WE CAN COMBINE THESE TECHNOLOGY TRANSFERS THEN WE CAN START TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HIDDEN CURRICULUM IS, WHAT WE NEED TO DO TO GET THE JOB, WHAT WE NEED TO DO TO MAKE A FRIEND IF WE WANT 1, ET CETERA, ET CETERA, SO SELF-KNOWLEDGE AND USING YOUR POWERS OF INTELLECT ARE 2 THINGS I WOULD REALLY EMPHASIZE AND DID EMPHASIZE WITH ALL MY GIRLS. >> CAN I JUST--SORRY, JUST JUMP IN AGAIN, AGAIN WITH SAYING ABOUT GETTING SERVICES. THIS IS SO VERY TRUE. IN AUSTRALIA WE HAVE NATIONAL DISABILITY INSURANCE SCHEME, IT'S SEPARATE FROM THE TYPICAL WELFARE WE HAVE OUT THERE BUT IT'S FOR EXTRA SUPPORT FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES, TO GET ON THORS SCHEME, THE ACTUAL AGENCY TELLS PEOPLE GO IN THERE AND TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR WORST DAY. GO IN THERE AND TELL THEM HOW BROKE AND HOW DEFECTIVE AND WHATEVER YOU THINK YOU ARE. SAME THING WHAT WE'RE DOING RIGHT HERE IS I'M ALSO RESEARCH ASSISTANT. THE CURRENT PROJECT I'M WORKING ON IS FACILITATING THE VOICE OF YOWPG ADULTS IN AATISM SPECTRUM TO SELF-ADVOCATE. SO HOW DO WE TURN IT AROUND? SO WE HAVE SOCIETY GOING, WE WON'T GIVE YOU FUNDING AND SUPPORT, UNTIL YOU TELL US THAT YOU'RE ABNORMALITIES VIEWTLY DEFECTIVE BUT WE'RE TELLING THESE PEOPLE, YOUNG ADULTS THAT ARE COMING UP, GOING, BUT WE WANT YOU TO SPEAK OUT AND SAY, YES WE WANT ALL THESE DIFFERENT THINGS SO IT'S SUCH A MODE OF CONFLICT AND WITH OUR MEETINGS AND STUFF LIKE THIS, IT'S LIKE WE'RE TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO BRING THIS ALTOGETHER FROM ALL DIFFERENT FACETS SO YEAH ISSUES IT'S A COMPLEX, HOW ARE WE GOING TO CHANGE THIS ALL AROUND. >> LET ME GIVE YOU A REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE, I MAKE APPROXIMATELY 900 A MONTH ON SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY. I TOOK A JOB AT TAOS UNIVERSITY THAT PAYS ME $3000 A SEMESTER AND I JUST BUMPED MYSELF OUT OF SOCIAL SECURITY INSURANCE, $3000 A SEMESTER, THAT'S NOT EVEN LIKE A FULL ANNUAL SALARY, AND NOW THEY TOOK $400 OF MY $700 TO PAY MY HEALTHCARE PREMIUM FOR MEDICARE. LIKE HOW DO PEOPLE EVER GET AHEAD IF THERE'S NO WINDOW OF TIME WHERE THEY CAN EARN A LITTLE BIT OF MONEY TO GET TOWARDS THOSE GOALS. SO YOU KNOW MY FRIEND LOOKED AT ME AND SAID YOU NEED TO STOP TEACHING, IT'S COSTING YOU $800 A MONTH BECAUSE YOU'RE LOSING THE 400 FROM YOUR BENEFITS AND YOU'RE ALSO PAYING THIS INSURANCE, AND FUNCTIONALLY THAT'S TWICE AS MUCH AS IT LOOKS LIKE, YOU KNOW IN THIS IS NOT THE WAY WE'RE GOING TO MAKE PROGRESS IN THIS POPULATION. I LIVE IN NEW YORK, MY SON COULD LIVE ON $700 A MONTH IN HUNTING TON, WEST VIRGINIA, I NEED EVERY PENNY OF THAT MONEY PLUS STUDENT LOANS TO FUNCTION IN NEW YORK. SO THIS IS REALLY A CLASS ISSUE, RIGHT? NOT JUST DISABILITY, IT'S ABOUT UTTERING PEOPLE AND NOT GIVING THEM A SPRING BOARD TO STEP FORWARD. >> ANY FINAL WORDS ABOUT HOW WE CAN EMPOWER WOMEN ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM INCLUDING WOMEN WITH HIGH SUPPORT NEEDS AND THAT WILL BE MY FINAL QUESTION AND THEN WE'LL LET THE AUDIENCE HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK WITH YOU AS WELL. >> I WOULD JUST OFFER THIS: WHEN I WAS TRYING TO UNDERSTAND AND SEE WHETHER OR NOT THE AUTISTIC--THE AUTISM PROFILE AND I HAVE TO--THIS IS A READER, I CANNOT TAKE CREDIT FOR THIS, A READER GAVE ME THIS LINE, IF WE START CALLING ASD INSTEAD OF DISORDER, THE AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER, THE AUTISM SPECTRUM DYNAMIC WHICH I THINK IS AWESOME SO I PROMISED HIM, I WILL--GO JACK--THAT I WILL KEEP PUTTING THAT OUT THERE AND I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL. AND WHEN I WAS LOOKING TO SEE IF THAT ASD PROFILE FIT ME, AND I HAD TO LITERALLY GO THROUGH AND ANALYZE AND STEP BACK AND LOOK AT EVERY SINGLE TAKE OFF, YOU KNOW SYMPTOM OR PRESENTATION OF AUTISM IN BOYS AND MEN, GENERALLY BUT IN PEOPLE, BUT LARGELY IT WAS--IT WAS THAT SORT OF PHENOTYPE AND I HAD TO TAKE A STEP BACK ON EACH 1 AND KIND OF SAY, OKAY, WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHAT NEEDS ARE THEY SERVING HERE, BUSINESS RIGHT? THE IDEA BEING LIKE, NO, I DID NOT ORGANIZE TRAIN TABLES OR WHATEVER--ORGANIZE TRAIN ARRIVALS AND BUS SCHEDULES, BUT I DID START DRAWING FAMILY TREES OF THE ENGLISHA MONARCHY WHEN I WAS LIKE 8 OR 9 AND IT'S THE SAME MOMENT, RIGHT? THE SAME FEELING OF ORGANIZING INFORMATION IN WAYS THAT MADE SENSE. I DIDN'T LINE UP MY CARS BUT I DID PUT ALL MY BARBIES OUT TOGETHER THAT TAKE PICTURES OF THEM AND MAKE BARBIE WEDDING ALBUMS, IT'S NOT INTERACTIVE DISPLAY, IT'S LINING UP AND MAKING A DISPLAY BUT IT LOOKED DIFFERENT. SO I PUT TOGETHER, AND WENT THROUGH ALL OF IT AND MADE SOMETHING THAT I CALL A CHICKLESS CHECK LIST AND WE'LL GIVE YOU A LINK TO IT, IT'S IN HEELING BUT WE'LL GIVE YOU A LINK CAN YOU DOWNLOAD IT FOR FREE FROM MY WEBSITE BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING, I KNOW TONYAT WARD IS USING NOW. IT IS SORT OF JUST A REALLY GOOD BULLET POINTED LIST OF ALL THE DIFFERENT WAYS THAT THE SAME NEEDS CAN MAYBE BE SEEN AND IDENTIFIED AND PRESENT THEMSELVES IN GIRLS BECAUSE I THINK THAT ALL THAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT, ALL THAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT, PRESUPPOSES THAT WE'RE SEEING THE GIRLS AND WOMEN. WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE IF WE'RE OVERLOOKING THEM, STILL EXCEPT FOR WELL, MAKING US FEEL THAT WE DON'T EVEN LE LONG AMONGST THE GROUP WHO OFTEN DOESN'T FEEL THAT THEY BELONG. >> ANYONE ELSE? FINAL COMMENTS? >> COMPARING WOMEN I WOULD SAY IS TO FIND YOUR TRIBE. FIND THE PEOPLE THAT SUPPORT YOU AND GET YOU AND VALIDATE YOU. THESE PEOPLE WILL HELP YOU ALONG YOUR WAY. THEY WILL BE THE 1S THAT GO, YAY GO YOU, WE GET WHERE YOU'RE GOING, WE'LL GO THROUGH THE STRUGGLES WITH YOU, WE FEEL THE PAIN THAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH. I FOUND WHEN I FOUND MY TRIBE, THAT WAS THE BEST THING I COULD HAVE EVER HAD WAS FAR BETTER THAN MY FAMILY OR FRIENDS I TRIED TO MAKE IN MY PREVENTIVUOUS LIFE. THESE PEOPLE WHO GET ME HAVE HELPED ME ENORMOUSLY AND MADE ME THE BEST PERSON I AM TODAY. SO I THANK YOU ALL FOR THAT AS WELL? LET YOU BE THE BEST PERSON, YOU ALREADY WERE WONDERFUL. >> DENA, OR LIANE? >> I THINK IT'S GREAT YOU CAN COME FROM DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES, LIKE I DON'T WANT TO BE DYNAMIC, I WANT TO BE DISABLED. I'M OKAY WITH THAT, I THINK WE NEED TO DESTIGMAIFIES THAT LANGUAGE AND TAKE IT BACK, SO HAVE YOU 2 WOMEN HERE BOTH AUTISTIC AND BOTH HAVE VERY DIFFERENT POINTS OF HAVE YOU ON THINGS, I SEE THE FUNCTIONALITY OF USING THE CLINICAL LANGUAGE, I SEE A NEED TO DESTIGMATIZE BY OWNING IT, VERY MUCH LIKE WE HAVE THROUGH THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT, THROUGH VETERANS, ADVOCACY, THROUGH WOMAN'S RIGHTS, SO YOU YOU KNOW BUT WE AS A COMMUNITY, THAT'S 1 OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT US, WE DON'T HAVE BLACK AND WHITE RULES. LIKE, YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE, YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT POINT OF VIEW, GREAT, YOU ROCK. WE ALSO DO POLITE THINGS FOR EACH OTHER THAT OTHER PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT. LIKE, I'LL GET AN E-MAIL FROM 1 OF CO-AUTHORS ON THE BOOK AND SHE'LL SAY, I'M HAVING A BAD DAY, DO HAVE YOU THE SPOONS TO HEAR ME OUT? AND I SAID, WELL, SURE. BUT CAN WE DO THIS IN AN HOUR, I NEED TO FINISH SOMETHING. LIKE NEUROTYPICAL PEOPLE JUST LIKE, VERBALLY VOMIT IN YOUR INBOX AND YOU'RE LIKE ... WE RESPECT THAT LIMITED ENERGY THAT WE ALL GO THROUGH EVERY DAY WITH BECAUSE WE LIVE WITH AUTISM SO IT'S FUN HOW WE CAN ALL JUST KIND OF WORK TOGETHER TO OPEN EACH OTHER'S MINDS AND THEN WE'RE STILL ALLOWED TO HOLD OUR POINT OF VIEW, YOU KNOW? >> HEY, HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS PICTURED A BUNCH OF SPOONS IN A DRAWER WHEN YOU SHE SAID THAT? YOU'RE ON THE SPECTRUM. >> WONDERFUL, WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH, BARB, JENNIFER, LIANE, AND DEIN,A FOR ANSWERING QUESTIONS AND TELLING US ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCES AND NOW WE HAVE A FEW MINUTES IF ARE QUESTIONS FROM THE AUDIENCE. WE HAVE A STAND UP MIC, THERE IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOUR QUESTIONS SO PLEASE COME TO THE MIC. >> I'M AUDRAAND I AM AUTISTIC AND HAVE EPILEPSY AS WELL. THRAWT MY CAREER I FACED A LOT OF DISCRIMINATION IN THE WORKPLACE AND I HAVE FOUND THAT WORKING FOR MYSELF NOW IS THE BEST MOVE THAT I'VE MADE AND I FIND THAT WITH A LOT OF MY AUTISTIC FRIENDS, SEVERAL OF THEM WORK FOR THEMSELVES. WHAT TIPS CAN YOU GIVE FOR EMPLOYERS TO BE MORE ACCOMMODATING, MORE ACCEPTING ESPECIALLY WITH THOSE WHO HAVE THE OTHER CO-OCCURRING CONDITIONS THAT CAN COME ALONG WITH AUTISM? >> FIRST OF ALL I WANT TO GO BACK TO SELF-EMPLOYMENT. FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, INDIVIDUALS WHO HAVE DISABILITIES CAN GO TO VOCATIONAL REHABILITATION, PRESENT A SOLID BUSINESS PLAN AND GET FUNDED TO START UP THEIR OWN BUSINESS. AND IT'S A TOOL THAT VERY, VERY FEW PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT. THERE ARE SOME PRETTY HARD AND FAST RULES. IT HAS TO BE VIABLE, HAVE YOU TO BE ABLE TO MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO GET OFF OF SOCIAL SECURITY. THAT HAS TO BE THE GOAL. BUT I MEAN AT 1 POINT I HAD A PRIVATE PRACTICE IN NASHVILLE AND THEY GAVE ME $25,000 BASICALLY. THEY DON'T GIVE YOU A CREDIT CARD, YOU HAVE TO WRITE UP YOUR EXPENSES WHERE YOU WOULD GET IT IT'S VERY TIME CONSUMING VERY EXECUTIVE FUNCTION, DEMANDING, AND THEY REALLY HAD A PROBLEM WITH ME, THIS IS 1 OF THE DIFFICULTIES WITH THE SYSTEM, THEY SAID WELL, THE LAST BUSINESS PLAN WE GOT WAS F-REPORTING SOMEONE WHO WANTED TO OPEN A HOT DOG STAND. I'M LIKE BUT I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE AND MY JOB, MY OBJECTIVE LOOKS VERY DIFFERENT FROM SOMEONE AND THE V. R. SYSTEM IS LIKE TURNING THE TITANIC RIGHT NOW TO HELP THEM GET ONBOARD WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE D. D. BUT NOT I.D. THEY REALLY STRUGGLE TO CONCEPTUALIZE THAT. GOING BACK TO YOUR ANSWER AND AGAIN THIS IS ME, A VERY EXTERNALIZING AUTISTIC BUT I WROTE MY LETTER TO GET INTO MY UNIVERSITY AND I ASKED MY FRIEND STEF VENOUSLY, OUR FRIEND STEVEN, SHOULD I DISCLOSE AND HE SAID LET ME ASK YOU A DIFFERENT QUESTION? DO YOU WANT TO BE SOMEWHERE WHERE THAT'S A PROBLEM? AND I WAS LIKE YEAH, I DON'T WANT TO BE SOMEWHERE WHERE RIGHT OFF THE BAT TRAY STRUGGLE WITH THE IDEA THAT I'M AWSHESSIVITYIC. SO I MEAN I DO LIVE FACE FORWARD, YOU KNOW, I SPEAK IT, I SAY IT, I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT BUT FOR MANY PEOPLE, THEY WANT TO WITHHOLD THE DIAGNOSIS UNTIL AFTER THAT I HAVE GOT THE JOB. SO EACH PERSON HAS TO CHOOSE WHEN AND HOW THEY DISCLOSE BUT FOR ME, I DON'T WANT TO BE THERE IF IT'S A PROBLEM AT THE TIME OF THE GRIEW. I WANT TO BE OUT ABOUT IT FROM DAY 1 AND THEN I ALSO FIND IF YOU WAIT UNTIL AFTER YOUR HIRED AND THINGS START TO FALL APART, NOW THEY DON'T BELIEVE YOU. IT LOOKS SUSPICIOUS. AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY LEGAL RIGHTS UNDER THE A. D. A. IF YOU HAVEN'T DISCLOSED AND PUT YOUR ACCOMMODATION NEEDS IN WRITING. SO I DON'T KNOW. MY RECOMMENDATION FOR ME PERSONALLY IS NOT TO WAIT, TO BE UPFRONT ABOUT IT AND MAKE SURE YOU HAVE AN EMPLOYER THAT UNDERSTANDS AND CAN OCOMIDATEIDATE YOU BEFORE YOU--ACCOMMODATE YOU BEFORE YOU WALK THROUGH THE DOOR. THAT'S NOT A POSITION HELD BY A LOT OF PEOPLE, THAT'S JUST ME. >> [INDISCERNIBLE]--YOU ARE GETTING SERVICES THROUGH REHAB, YOU'LL QUALIFY FOR PROTECTIVE EMPLOYMENT AS [INDISCERNIBLE] AND PROBABLY 50 COMPANIES RIGHT NOW BIG EMPLOYERS IN AMERICA THAT HAVE EMBRACED THE AUTISM AT WORK INITIATIVE. THAT'S A PLACE WHERE WE WOULD BE WELCOMED. >> SELL YOURSELF, YOUR PUBLIC RELATIONS AGENT ON YOUR OWN, THESE ARE MY DISABILITIES, THESE ARE MY CHALLENGES AND THIS IS WHAT I CAN DO AND I WILL DO AND I CAN VOLUNTEER AND HELP HUMAN RELATIONS, RIGHT? >> WELL AND THE OTHER-- >> YEAH, THE OTHER THING I FIND IS I SAY, IF YOU GIVE ME THESE ACCOMMODATIONS I CAN BE MORE PRODUCTIVE FOR YOU. THEY ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN IT FOR THEM. THIS ISN'T JUST AUTISM ADVISE BY THE WAY, THIS IS BASIC EMPLOYMENT ADVICE, BUT YOU'RE RIGHT IF THE COMPANY IS NOT ONBOARD YOU HAVE TO WALK AWAY, YOU KNOW. >> WHAT DENA, JUST SAID, THAT'S THE POINT. WHAT GOES FOR US, WHAT PERHAPS MORE ESSENTIAL FOR US, GOES FOR EVERYBODY, THERE'S NOT 1 DANG THING THAT WE'RE SAYING UP HERE THAT'S NOT IMD FOR PEOPLE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM THAT ISN'T ALSO BENEFICIAL TO EVERYBODY ON THE HUMAN SPECTRUM. SO ABSOLUTELY, YOU GO IN THERE AND TRY TO USE AND, NOT BUT, I'M AUTISTIC BUT I CAN, BUT ELIMINATES EVERYTHING ELSE, IT'S GONE NOW. I'M AUTISTIC WE ALL KNOW THE DIAGNOSTIC TOOLS WE KNOW WHEN YOU FEEL THOSE OUT, HOW OFTEN IS THIS A PROBLEM, IS THIS A PROBLEM? IT'S NOT HEY, IS YOUR KID REALLY GREAT AT THIS, THAT THE OTHER THING? IT'S NEGATIVE, SO IF IT'S--I HAPPEN TO BE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM WHICH MEANS I'M REALLY FABULOUS AT BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, ESPECIALLY IF I CAN DO MY WORK FROM HOME BASE OR FROM DISTANCE IT'S COMPLETELY ABOUT SELLING THAT AND NOT BEING APOLOGY GETTIC AND ALSO GIVING YOURSELF--APOLOGY JETTIC AND SEEING EYE FRIENDS LETTING A COUPLE PEOPLE, 1 OR 2 PEOPLE WHO YOU REALLY TRUST, THE FREEDOM OR THE LICENSE TO PERHAPS READ AN E-MAIL BEFORE YOU SEND IT OR READ AN E-MAIL THAT YOU'VE RECEIVED. SO THAT WHEN THE EMOTIONAL CHARGE IS TOO HIGH OR HOW YOUR RESPONSE MIGHTING SOUNDING USE THAT I DO BIG TIME AND I ALSO WOULD LIKE TO SAY EVIL TWIN SO THAT IF HAVE YOU THIS SITUATION WHERE AN EMPLOYER DOES KNOW, RIGHT, WITH MY FRIENDS I'LL TELL THEM THIS, I WILL AT SOME POINT, I WILL SAY SOMETHING THAT EITHER OFFENDS, OSTRACIZES, HURTS YOUR FEELINGS, I WILL, AND I CO PROMISE YOU $10 MILLION IT WILL NEVER BE INTENTIONAL SO PLEASE DO ME A FAVOR, IF I SAY SOMETHING AND IF I START TO SEE YOUR REACTION LOOK A LITTLE BIT OFF I'M GOING TO SAY EVIL TWIN. THAT'S THE CLUE TO STAY STOP, WAIT A SECOND, HOLD ON, MAYBE WE HAVE A BAD WiFi CONNECTION, LET'S PUT THE EMOTIONS ASIDE AND TRY AGAIN AND LISTEN TO 1 ANOTHER. THAT COMES WITH TRUST. THERE HAS TO BE TRUST BUT THERE ARE WAYS AROUND THAT. YEAH, SO COUPLE TIPS AND TRICKS. >> HI, THERE. MY NAME IS STEVEN AND FIRST OF ALL, ALL OF YOU WERE JUST INCREDIBLE SO THANK YOU. I HAPPEN TO BE ON THE SPEC RUM WITH MILD--SPECTRUM WITH MILD ASPERGERS AND I STUDDER AND I DO MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKING ALL OVER THE COUNTRY AND I'VE STARTED TO INCORPORATE MENTIONING THAT I'M ASPE, THAT'S THE TERM OF ENDEARMENT IN MY BIOBUT WHAT I'VE DISCOVERED IS THERE ARE--THERE'S PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT THE SPECTRUM IS, BUT THEY DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND IT AND YOU KNOW, I TRY TO DRAW EXAMPLES USING ENTERTAINMENT LIKE, IF YOU EVER WATCHED THE BIG BANG THEORY OR IF YOU WATCHED HOUSE, THE WAY THE DOCTOR IS LIKE RUDE OR STAND-OFFISH AND YOU KNOW WHILE THERE IS SOME PEOPLE WHO NOD, THEY'RE LIKE, YEAH, I GET IT, NOW, I REALLY WONDER IF THEY DO UNDERSTAND IT SO WHEN YOU DO YOUR PRESENTATIONS, DO YOU EVER TYPE ANY POSITIVE EXAMPLES IF YOU KNOW ANY? SO? >> SURE. FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU STEVEN AND I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING, I HAVE TO--MY DAUGHTER 1 OF MY DAUGHTERS BEST, BEST, BEST, BEST FRIENDS ALSO STUDDERS AND I ALWAYS--HE'S FABULOUS, HE'S FABULOUS AND I ALWAYS TELL THEM THAT DO NOT WORRY BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? WHATEVER YOUR SAYING, IT'S WORTH WAITING FOR, SO EVERYBODY IN THE ROOM, TAKE YOUR TIME, IT'S ALL GOOD. SO THAT BEING SAID, INTERESTING THAT BOTH OF THE CHARACTERS YOU POINTED OUT WERE MALE, RIGHT? AND SO, BUT IF YOU LIKE THOSE KINDS OF SHOWS, BONES IS 1 THAT I LOVE AND ALSO RIZZO AND ISLES, BUT IT'S ANGIE HARMON AND THE DETECTIVE SHOW IS THE GAL WHO PLAYS THE AUTOPSIESS, PATHOLOGIST, YEAH, THE MEDICAL DIRECTOR AT THE--YEAH, POLICE DEPARTMENT BUT REGARDLESS HER FIRST NAME IS MORA, THAT IS MY DAUGHTER'S NAME, AND SO I WAS ATTRACTED INSTABTLY AND SHE'S IS AN ASPE, AND SHE STRUGGLES AND IT WARM AND I THINK THE MORE--YES, THE MORE KINDS YOU CAN SHOW, SURE, BUT I DON'T THINK, YOU KNOW AS MUCH AS THERE IS AN ELEMENT OF I CAN KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO STRUGGLE TO BE UNDERSTOOD BECAUSE I DON'T STUDDER BUT FOR ALL MY CHEAR-CH-CH-CH-CH I AM MORE MISUNDERSTOOD OFTEN THAN NOT. I CAN EXTEND COMPASSION, I CAN IDENTIFY AS BEST I CAN BUT I WILL NEVER WALK YOUR WALK BUT THAT'S WHY IT'S SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU KEEP TALKING YOUR TALK BECAUSE WE'LL ALL WAIT AND LISTEN. >> THERE'S ALSO QUITE A FEW DIAGNOSISS GIIVE POSTHUMOUSLY, SHAKE SPEAR, JANE AUSTIN, DARYL HANNAH, STEVEN SPIELBERG, I THINK MARTHA TUE ART, DAVID LETTER MAN, WE CAN GO ON AND ON BUT WHEN YOU SEE THAT LITERAL THINKING AND JERRY SIGN FELLED, HE CAME OUT AND SAID I THINK I HAVE AUTISM OR ASPERGER'S SYNDROME AND EVERYBODY SAID YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T. AND I THOUGHT WE WANT HIS MONEY SO WHY CAN'T HE BE ON THE SPECTRUM, SO MAYBE THESE IDIO SINK RISK ASSESSMENTSS THAT WE'VE LEARNED TO CHANGE OR COVER UP, BUT WE'RE ALL DIFFERENT BUT WE HAVE THE SAME ISSUES SO ROCK ON, EVERYBODY THAT'S DIFFERENT. >> HERE'S MY SHORT LIST, IF YOU LIKE DARKER KIND OF ADULT THINGS, THE BRIDGE THAT WAS ON FOR QUITE A WHILE WAS REALLY, REALLY GOOD. IT'S CONTROVERSIAL BECAUSE IT'S A MALE SAN FRANCISCO VANT, WHITE GUY BUT THE GOOD DOCTOR, I HAVE TO PUT A PLUG IN FOR IT, BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER SEEP AN ACTOR DEPICT THE EXPERIENCE OF BEING AUTISTIC QUITE AS WELL AS I'VE SEEN HIM DO IT FOR A NONAUTISTIC PERSON. IF YOU DON'T KNOW THIS, ALL THE GRAPHICS HE VISUALIZES ARE DESIGNED BY AUTISTIC GRAPHIC DESIGNERS IN A LAB SO I THINK THAT IS REALLY AMAZING. THEY'VE HIRED MULTIPLE AUTISTIC ACTORS TO BE IN SUPPORTING ROLES, SO I THINK ALTHOUGH YOU KNOW IN AN IDEAL WORLD YOU WOULD LIKE AN AUTISTIC OR DISABLED ACTOR PLAYING AN AUTISTIC OR DISABLED ACTOR, I THINK THIS IS PRETTY CLOSE TO COMPROMISE, I THINK IT'S REALLY WELL. IN MY PRESENTATIONS, I BELIEVE WE'VE BEEN LOOKINGA THE AUTISTIC PEOPLE IN GREAT LITERATURE FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS AND THEY JUST DIDN'T HAVE A WORD AND MY FAVORITE IS PINOCCHIO. IF YOU GO BACK AND YOU WATCH PINOCCHIO WITH A BIG GLASS OF SHARD NAY AND A BIG BOX OF TISSUES AND IT WILL ALL START IN PLACE. HE CALLS PEOPLE OBJECTS, HE SAYS WHAT ARE THEY? HE DIDN'T KNOW HE'S IN TROUBLE UNTIL HE GROWS A TAIL, AND YET HE'S GOT A VERY ABLEISTIC HEOIC OUTCOME, RIGHT? BUT IT'S REALLY KIND OF GOOD. ROBIN WILLIAMS IN FLUBBER AND ALSO THE FRED Mc MURRAY VERSION ARE VERY NICE THINGS. BUT I HAVE TO SAY SOMEONE BROUGHT TO THIS MY ATTENTION LAST WEEK AND I LOVED IT, I ALWAYS JOKE AROUND ABOUT THE REASON I SEE AUTISTIC CHARACTERS IN MOVIES IS BECAUSE IT'S LIKE THE SIXTH SENSE, HE SAW DEAD PEOPLE AND SHE GOES OH NO, SHE GOES THAT WAS WHAT GETTING AN AUTISM DIAGNOSIS WAS LIKE FOR ME. SHE WAS LIKE I'M GOING ALONG AND DOING MOO I THINGS AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I GOT MY DIAGNOSIS JUST LIKE HE--THE CHARACTER SAID, OH I'M DEAD, AND YOU GO BACK THROUGH THE WHOLE MOVIE, RIGHT? THAT'S THE WAY THIS PRODUCER CREATES SHAMALYAN DOES THINGS AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, THINGS MAKE SENSE, YOU'RE LIKE DAMN THAT'S REALLY GOOD, THAT'S AWESOME AND YOU GO BACTERIA AND ARE RETROSPECTIVELY AND REVISIT EVERYTHING AND IT EXPLAINS THINGS. SO, SORRY. >> HI, JENNIFER YOU TALKED ABOUT HOW WE NEED TO TELL OURSELVES, BUT I NOTICE--SELL OURSELVES BUT I DIDN'T REALIZE IT TILL AFTER IT HAPPENED. I WAS UP FOR A JOB THEY WAS VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT I THINK I WOULD HAVE BEEN A PERFECT FIT FOR MY FIRST INTERVIEW WAS WITH WOMEN AND I DID A PERFECT JOB OF SELLING MYSELF, MY SECOND INTERVIEW WAS WITH A MAN AND I WAS RAISED IN A VERY PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY, I AM THE YOUNGEST OF SENCH CHILDREN ALL MY OLDER SIBLINGS ARE MEN SO I WAS RAISED TO NOT DO BETTER THAN THE BOYS AND SO IN THAT INTERVIEW, I WAS TALKING MYSELF DOWN, LIKE HE WOULD SAY THE LEATHER LADIES TOLD ME THIS AND THIS ABOUT YOU AND I WAS SORT OF LIKE MINIMIZING IT AND I DIDN'T REALIZE I DID IT UNTIL AFTER THE FACT AND THEN I REALIZED THEY SAID THEY WERE GOING THE OTHER WAY WITH A DIFFERENT CANDIDATE BECAUSE THE FIRST INTERVIEW THEY SOUNDED LIKE I WAS THERE PICK AND EVERYTHING, AND I WAS SO UPSET ABOUT THAT BECAUSE IT'S NOT JUST THE STUFF I HAVE TO LEARN ABOUT THE SPECTRUM BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET NIGH DIAGNOSIS UNTIL 47 BUT JUST BEING RAISED IN THIS CULTURE OF BEING, YOU KNOW A FEMALE IN A VERY PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY AND I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU EVER--IF ANYONE ELSE AND ALL OF YOUR BATHROOM CONVERSATIONS HAVE EVER SAID THAT KIND OF THING BECAUSE I THINK IT MIGHT BE A TYPE OF MASKING AS WELL THAT WE HAVE TO PUT ON A SPECIAL FACE WHEN WE TALK TO MEN VERSUS WHEN WE TALK TO OUR PEERS. >> I DON'T THINK THAT'S REALLY AN AUTISM THING. I THINK IT IS--I THINK IT'S TRUE IN GENERAL. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION, BUT I KNOW FOR SURE, THERE--I HAVE--THERE IS A DIFFERENT WAY THAT I'VE LEARNED THAT I NEED TO APPROACH WOMEN RIGHT AWAY. I ONLY GIVE GENUINE COMP LEAPTS FOR INSTANCE. I'VE ALSO LEARNED THAT I WILL GIVE A COMPLEMENT TO A WOMAN RIGHT UP FRONT, PRETTY QUICKLY AND IT'S A WAY OF DIFFUSING BECAUSE SOMETIMES WOMEN, MADELINE ALBRIGHT SAID THERE'S A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR WOMEN WHO DON'T SUPPORT OTHER WOMEN AND I HAVE FOUND THAT THE WORST CUT DOWNS I HAVE HAD HAVE BEEN AT THE HANDS OF OTHER WOMEN WHICH BREAKS MY HEART SO I DO IMMEDIATELY AND SAY I'M NOT A THREAT, BUT I MEAN IT, BUT IT'S SAD THAT I HAVE TO DO IT. WITH MEN IT'S A DIFFERENT THING TOO BECAUSE YOU'RE IN A CONSTANT BALANCE TO PROVE YOURSELF, TO PROVE YOURSELF TO YOURSELF, TO THE WORLD IN GENERAL AND TO--YEAH, THERE ARE SO VERY MANY LITTLE LINES AND DANCES, THAT'S A REALITY. SO I THINK, THAT'S THE KIND OF SITUATION WHERE, OKAY, IT FELT EIKE AND BLAH, I CAN TELL YOU,--NO, BUT AFTER THE FACT, IT'S A BUMMER YES. AND THAT'S EXACTLY, BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO SAY, I CAN TELL YOU THE WORST. I'M USUALLY PRETTY DANG GOOD ON JOB INTERVIEWS BUT THE 1 I EVER DID, I WAS IN COLLEGE LOOKING FOR MY FIRST REAL JOB RIGHT OUT OF AND BOY DID I TAKE IT TOO LITERALLY, IT WAS AN ADVERTISING AGENCY, THE WORST JOB FOR ANYBODY IN THE SPECTRUM BUT ASKED WHAT WAS--TELL ME ABOUT A BAD EXPERIENCE YOU HAD AND HOW YOU'VE COME THROUGH IT, --I HAD JUST GOTTEN OUT OF A PHYSICALLY VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP FOR A YEAR AND HALF AND I WAS VERY PROUD THAT I HAD EXTRICATED MYSELF AND PRESSED CHARGES AND I STARTED TALKING ABOUT IN THIS THE MIDDLE OF THE JOB INTERVIEW, PERHAPS NOT THE MOST APPROPRIATE, BUT IT AS MY HONEST ANSWER I DIDN'T GET WHY THAT DIDN'T WORK. SO OKAY, I COULD TAKE THAT EXTRAPOLATE, TALK THROUGH IT AND PRACTICE MORE SO FOR ME, I WOULD SAY FROM ME TO YOU, PRACTICE MORE. TRY TO NOT SAY I'M SORRY AND PRACTICE LOOKED FOR WORDS THAT ARE GOING TO BE COB CYSTENTLY POSITIVE THAT AREN'T OPINIONS THAT ARE SIMPLY FACTUAL BECAUSE NOBODY CAN SHOOT THAT DOWN. >> [INDISCERNIBLE] >> WORTH LOOKING AT IN THERAPY, YEAH. >> GOOD STUFF TO UNPACK. , I THINK WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE IS AUTISM IS A FEMINIST ISSUE. WE ARE WOMEN WHO ARE IN A PATRIARCHALLY ORIENTED SOCIETY AND WE JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE AUTISM LAYERED UNDERNEATH THAT, WE'RE NOT ONLY TRYING TO JUGGLE THE SOCIETY THAT IS MORE MALE FRIENDLY, MORE MALE SENSITIZED BUT WE'RE ALSO DEALING WITH FAMILY HISTORY, TRAUMA, FAMILY TRAUMA, SOCIETAL TRAUMA. DISCIPLINARY A PRESENTATION ON AUTISM AND TRAUMA FOR MY UNIVERSITY AND AT THE BREAK A WOMAN CAME UP AND SHE SAID WELL IS IT TRUE TRAUMA RESEARCHER, SUBORDINATING ME, I WOULD CALL THOSE DIFFICULT MOMENTS. I SAID WELL, THEN YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND AUTISM BECAUSE WHAT IS A DIFFICULT MOMENT TO YOU AS A SUBJECTIVE OBSERVER IS A TRAUMA FOR ME. AND UNTIL YOU REALIZE THAT AND YOU STOP SUBORDINATING IT YOU WILL NEVER BE AN EFFECTIVE PROVIDER WITH THIS COMMUNITY EMPLOY I WAS VERY DIRECT FOR HER BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PATIENCE FOR THAT BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS. WE SAY OH THE LIGHTS BOTHER ME AND FOR THE GUY, THEY UNSCREW THE LIGHT ULRICHB OVER HIS HEAD BECAUSE HE HAD CATARACT SURGERY BUT I DON'T GET THE SAME BENEFIT. LIKE WHAT'S THAT ABOUT? YOU KNOW, WELL HE'S A GUY AND HE DONATES MORE MONEY. THAT'S WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT SO I EMBARRASS THE PEOPLE A COUPLE TIMES AND SUDDENLY THE LIGHTING GOT FIXED BUT IT'S RIDICULOUS, BUT YEAH AUTISM IS DEFINITELY A FEMINIST ISSUE. >> WONDERFUL WELL THANK YOU SO MUCH BARB, LE AN AND DEANA AND SHARING WITH US FROM YOUR PERSONAL JOURNEYS WE APPRECIATE HEARING FROM YOU AND AFTER THIS PRESENTATION IF ANYONE HAS A BOOK THAT THEY WOULD LIKE SIGNED, ALL OF THEEDZ WONDERFUL LADIES WILL BE HAPPY TO HELP SIGN THESE BOOKS FOR YOU SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING WITH US!